Runaway Love

2012-02-06T23:32:00.006+08:00

I'm not who I used to be.

Why?

Because i've been hurt. I've gone through a lot of shit which has made me who I am today.

Over these past few years, so many things have happened.

Things that have changed who I used to... Little things, big things.

Everything.

As time passes, no one stays the same person. People tell me i've changed.

Don't you think I know that? Of course I've changed.

I'm not going to stay the same person forever.

Pain changes people.

No one ever stays the same, accept that. We all change. me, you, them, they, everyone. Get used to it.

2012-02-02T22:09:00.012+08:00

Last Saturday, January 28th I had a date with the boyfriend! So well, we went to catch a movie and this time I had the privilege of choosing the movie we were going to watch! Initially, we wanted to watch Jack & Jill but after watching the trailer and seeing the comments & reviews on the movie, I decided that maybe that movie is just rubbish. Haha. & Yes, i always have the tendency to watch the trailer before watching the movie itself. Just to get the gist of the movie and to know what it is about so that I won't be watching the movie being clueless on what it's all about. I also intended of watching watch the movie 'The Vow' but it's only showing in cinemas during April :'( So gonna catch it once it's out! So.... we decided to watch JOURNEY 2: THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND.

We met up at my place and we headed off to plaza singapura. Bought the tickets for the 4.25pm show! Not in 3D, though. After that, we decided to have our lunch at KFC. mmmm, i love their shroom burger so much!

After our satisfying our stomach, we walked around for a bit until it was time to watch our movie! Let me be honest, Journey 2 was an awesome show! I give it a 8/10. If you're intending to watch this movie, I suggest you watch it in 3D! I think it would have been more interesting/fun/better if you caught it in 3D! The show was so hilarious. Although, to me i find every single movie with such predictable endings. WHY WHY WHY! Don't you get sick of it? Always seeing happy endings? Cause' I am. For once, i want a surprising ending. Something not too predictable. Maybe for once, the bad guy could win? I would love to see a that kind of movie.

After the movie, we walked around for a bit then headed to somerset. Didn't do much there because we were kind of in a middle of an argument. I hate it when he's mad. Makes me so mad too. Like I just want to drop everything and just hug him to make things okay. Went back to around my neighborhood to hang out there. And thankfully, we managed to pull through and work things out :) Everything's good now! ^-^

On Monday, January 30th we met up again! This time, it was just a small little meet up. Those days where you just sit down and well... do nothing with your partner. Haha! We played games though, like monopoly deal. He made a deal to me that whoever looses, will listen to the winner the whole day. And guess what? I WON! I AM THE CHAMPION IN MONOPOLY DEAL! But he didn't even listen to me la. tsk >:( sore loser!

Here are some pictures we took. Pardon me because I had messy hairdo and minimal make up. I'm always like this with him because.... I can be myself :)

Definitely had a great time with him. I always do, anyway! I like simple days out with him just like the one we recently had, where we can just sit down, and talk. Just enjoying every single moment together. Pure bliss. Nothing so complicated. Just catching up together and talking about life :) We don't have to plan so much things too. And moreover.... we don't even spend money on that day! Haha. Simple day out is always the best. So yeah, that was about it! Oh yess! I have something to show...... guess what came in my mail today?

Tadaaa!! Pretty isn't it? I love animal prints so much! Haha. There were three colour choices i had to choose from but I decided with this one, since pink is my favorite color and I thought the rest were too common, maybe i've seen people using it somewhere too. I don't like having common things, having things that i've seen others using. I don't know, that's just me. I like being special and unique, haha. I've been waiting for this new cover for my iphone for weeks & i finally got it today! I'm so happy with it :) I've been looking all over for cheetah prints iphone cover and i finally found it online! I was anticipating getting it, and it definitely wasn't a disappointment at all! You should really get your phone covers online, they are cheap too! :) Alright, i'll end this post here! Till here, xoxo

Dilemma

2012-01-31T22:07:00.011+08:00

Lately.... I've been thinking. What am I supposed to do in life? Planning out your future can be even much harder than I thought. There's so many options. Consequences. Thinking about it, having second thoughts, doubts. It's just so frustrating. What if this doesn't work? What if i don't do well in this? What if I fail in this? Those questions always come into my mind. Trust me, if there would be anything in this world I could ask for I would want to know what decision am I supposed to pick which is the best for me. Just a sign, maybe? Just an assurance I'm doing the right thing. Because for now, I'm not even sure if anything i'm thinking of will ever work out for me.

Thinking of it, I've never actually knew what I wanted in life, actually. I've heard people who has already planned out their future right from the start. Since they were young, they already set their mind into something they want to achieve. It's like i want so many things. I just don't know what's right for me at this moment. I just feel like chopping off all my hair just thinking about it. Choices, choices, more choices. Decisions, decisions and more decisions. Dilemma. Gosh. Give me a sign already.

I really envy those people who are really certain in what they want to achieve in life. For me, it seems like i'm leading a life without any goals. Like a go with the flow kind of thing. Maybe I lack in motivation, maybe I just need a little more push. I wished I already knew what I wanted from the very start. Now i see... how important it is to actually plan out what you want in life and your future from the very start. You may be young, but it's not never wrong to plan out your future even at a young age. It's actually a good thing. At least you'll know where you want to end up in life. You'll have a goal. A mindset. A dream to achieve. Unlike me over here, forever stuck in a dilemma. Still struggling to know where my heart really belongs. What a bummer.

I'm just so scared of making a wrong decision. I'm pretty much a very fickle minded person. To almost everything. Could just be picking out a outfit to wear for the day, shopping, even to what kind of drinks or food I want to get. So could you imagine? A tough decision for my future.... and I have to figure this out? It's a big decision, for me. I just don't want anything to be screwed up. Who wants that right? I just want everything to go well, smooth and I end up successful. I don't want to disappoint anyone. Especially my parents. I don't want to let them down. Neither do I want to disappoint myself. That's the worst it could ever get. For now, I only have one thing in my mind. If you asked me, what do I want to be when I grow up... I would say I just want to be happy and of course, successful and if I actually manage to do that, then in my eyes I am already a winner. I guess i'll go back to thinking now, goodbye readers xx

2012-01-31T01:15:00.004+08:00

Things don't always go our way.

So yes, this is yet my first proper blogspot ever since I'm starting to blog again. Recently, i've been thinking about life and how unfair it is. Things don't always go our way doesn't it? Well, that's life. What we have to do is just to accept our fate and go on with it. It may be easier said than done, but maybe what we set our minds in life aren't meant for us? Maybe there's something better out there. Just like how you don't get the one you're crazy in love in, and he leaves you. Maybe they leave for a reason, maybe God put him out of your life just because he knows there's something better for you. He's giving you something else that's way better. You deserve better. Right now, you may think that's what you really want but what if that something you want isn't meant to be your's? Just let it go. There is always other options.

You know how it sucks when you want something really really really bad and you worked so hard for it and in the end you don't get it what you want and yet some others get what you actually wanted all this while? And you feel like you deserve it the most because you put so much effort into it? And yet.... you still don't get it. Everything happens for a reason, I believe. But then again, it's hard to just sit here wondering what that "reason" is. Whatever it is, just don't give up. Have faith, keep moving forward. If it's not meant to be, then it's not meant to be.

There's plenty of things that I wanted so badly but then I realized, it's just not for me. For example, getting back my O's results. Of course, I thought I could do SO MUCH BETTER than I did. Maybe i'm fated to take a longer path? Maybe i'm fated to take things slowly? No point regretting now, no point crying over spilled milk. It's all over. I did my best, gave my all and I'm accepting whatever the outcome is :)

For the people out there reading this, I just want to say one thing. Never give up. You may not get what you want now, but maybe your time will come soon. Just like love. It takes time. Everyone's life has a different path. Make mistakes, don't be perfect. Being perfect is a mistake. Without mistakes, you may never know what's wrong and right and you may never learn from your mistake. Of course, don't make silly mistakes intentionally. Whatever it is, there's always something out there in life waiting for you. Stay patient. God bless, xx <3

2012-01-29T19:29:00.006+08:00

"sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together"

So hi blogger, it has yet been a long time since i've last blogged. Too long, maybe. I may want to start blogging again but I know whenever I say this, I never stick to it mainly because i'm too plain lazy :P A few reasons why i want to start blogging again 1) boredom. Yes, pure boredom. Facebook, twitter, youtube, tumblr, that's all I do mostly on the laptop every time. I want to try something new this time, and at least it might keep me entertained for awhile. You know... just typing away away away. 2) I want to keep memories. Yes, I have been blogging the past few years and I stopped(don't remember why though) So i thought maybe i should start back for the sake of memories. A place where I can just pen down my thoughts, feelings, talk about my daily life and I will always have something to look back on. 3) People. I've seen people blogging these days and it makes me miss blogging too! So I can say that it's not entirely about me, but it's about others who made me want to start blogging too :)

So let me start off from where I left off. Wow the last time I blogged, was when I was not even sitting for O levels yet! Throughout this years/months I have stopped blogging, pretty much a lot of things has been happening. Ups, downs, turn around, left, right, back, front. Haha. No, i mean it. A lot of things has been happening. Things like sitting for the most important exam (so far), receiving results, meeting new friends... loosing friends and stuff like that. Fights, arguments, make up, break up. Things like that, but that's life yes? Currently, I'm school-less. You can say that for now. Haha. I've gotten back my O'level examination results recently, and so i'm just waiting for school to start :) My life has been okay so far, nothing special, nothing amazing, nothing shocking. Just me. Normal, simple, you can even say boring. Sometimes I think I need excitement in my life. Something new? Perhaps I should pick up a new hobby. Or do something. Haha, I like adventures :P

I guess i'll stop here because really... I'm beyond clueless what else shall I type here. Until the next blogpost, I guess? Hopefully this time i'll stick to my words and blog more often. Have a great day everyone. :)

2012-01-27T22:38:00.001+08:00

" What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger "

Been a long time!

2011-09-15T22:01:00.001+08:00

So we meet again, dear blogger. After a year, hmm? Yes in fact I've ditched my blog for a year or so. Haven't been blogging because I lost interest. I used to blog almost everyday last time, but I guess after awhile I stopped due to some reasons? Like loosing interest, not having the time to blog and such. What made me want to blog again is because well, firstly I'm bored of just using Facebook and twitter(haha) so I thought of doing something else! Also, I want to keep memories of my life you know? And sometimes I just need a place to put all my thoughts in. Blogger is the right place to do that. Although I do vlogs, I find blogging much easier. Just typing away. At least I don't have to flip out a camera and gather my thoughts and talk to it like a wall, haha. So I guess I'm back to blogging? Not really sure if I'm going to update this space every time but I guess once in a while I will find time to at least post something :)

So..... Let me start by updating about my life. Haha. Okay so, I'm going to sit for the most important exam in my life very soon. Which is Olevels. I'm not prepared at all, I must say. I wished time would go slowly although I want it be over and done with but sometimes I feel I'm just not ready. Not ready to face the exam. I think I haven't done enough for this exam but well.... there's nothing else I can do for now except for working hard for it! It's not like I can stop time or something haha would seriously love that but noooo!

About my life.. It's been pretty okay. Have been going through some shit but I guess thats life yeah? Ups and downs everywhere but one thing I learned about life is that, it moves on ;)

I shall stop my post here because I seriously have nothing else to say. Hah, feels weird blogging after such a long time! Lost my touch! Until the next post people! Ciao, xoxo! ^_^

2010-12-15T22:16:00.005+08:00

In case you guys are bored, or suddenly bloghopped into my blog. Why not take your time watching these few videos i made recently? Do watch aye, it might do you some good ^^ You can also check out my other videos on my youtube channel. Find the link under my profile section on my blog. Do enjoy watching and thankssss!

2010-12-13T01:24:00.006+08:00

This empty feeling. Baby, i can't sleep. I need you.

I think blogging now should help me out with what i'm feeling right now. I would usually vlog to get things off my chest but since i'm in tears right now, i don't think people would like to watch me cry on camera, would they? That would be embarrassing for me as well. Here i go. Sorry for the very emo-ish post.

It's 1.26 am right now which means it's already the 13th. I still take it as 12th though. As some of you know, 12th december marks the day of my birthday. As suprising as it is, I'm in tears on the day which is supposed to be a 'happy day' for me. A birthday comes once every year and so, i always want it to be a special one but for some reason this year, things just have to go the opposite way. And for the fact that it's supposed to be my very own "sweet 16th." Turned out to be such a bitter day after all. I'm down, like seriously down. All the negativeness that has been happening around me, i'm just soaking it in instead of pushing it away. I'm letting it affect me. Why? Because i'm weak. I used to be strong, i used to overcome almost everything easily. Things that happened lately just made me loose faith in everything. Mostly, loosing faith in myself. By loosing hope, i'm at the edge ready to fall. Just ever ready to give up. But why should i give up now after where i am now? I've gone through so much, held on for so long so why should i give up everything that i sacrificed for? Is this even worth it?

They say, everything happens for a reason. So tell me, what's that "reason"? I always tell myself yes everything happens for a reason but then again i sit here asking myself, what could that "reason" be? Is there something better out there for me?

I don't know what made me so down but i just am. Maybe i expect too much from people that when they don't do what i expect them to do, i just make myself upset. I don't know, i just feel that there's people out there who never really appreciated what i've done for them. Do you know how much effort it takes just to make someone's day special? Do you know how it feels to be the reason for a smile on someone's else face? Every year, we have our birthdays. When it's my friends birthday, I would do everything for them. I plan suprises, i give them meaningful text. Whose ideas were those suprises? Mine. Who chiped in money to make it work? Me. Who thought of those words to say to them? Me. But then again, when it's my turn, i find myself sitting here just sulking. I'm not asking my friends to do anything special or big for me. But the looks of it........ I can't even HOPE for anything right now. Why should i? All i get is just dissapointments.

I was just really upset one of my closest friends didn't text me a birthday wish. She hasn't talked to me for a long time, i guess? But still, she would have remembered my birthday if she was a true friend. For another friend of mine, didn't text me either. But yet, wished me through facebook. Just a normal wish. Don't you feel that a text is rather more meaningful then a facebook wall post? I mean c'mon.

I'm not saying my friends don't appreciate it, maybe they just didn't realize how much their happiness means to me. How much their happiness makes me happy even if i lie here waiting for that smile to appear on my face magically. I put their happiness in front of mine. Use my time, my effort, my money just to make that ONE DAY of their's to have their time of their life. Even if i came unsucessful, i know i tried my very best. I'm not saying all my friends didn't appreciate it, i know there's a few out there who does, and thank you guys for that <3>

Ever since that incident it feels like everything is just crumbling down. December isn't doing any good to me. This is why i'm scared for the days to pass by. The more days that pass by, the more disappointments i get.

I guess i got myself to blame. I was the one who did that mistake to you. They say time will heal the pain, but how can time heal the pain when you're far away? I'm sorry for everything i've done. I'm the mistake. you know I didn't mean it, I take it back. and still i pray for one more chance, for one more day with you. I won't go back and I can't go back. you're all I ever needed. I want you back but you can't come back.

So much for looking forward to my birthday this year. Bitter sweet.

2010-11-25T22:44:00.004+08:00

How do i go about telling you that you mean the world to me?

Anyway, hello world. I'm finally doing a blogspot. Beats me why i suddenly have the urge to blog. Maybe i just need to rant something. Vent on something. Complain about something? I have no idea.

Come to think of it, i do miss blogging. I miss typing out about my life. I miss telling the whole world what i did on certain days. I miss complaining about my life. I used to treat my blog like my diary but somehow i lost my interest along the way. It makes me sad, if you asked. Sometimes you always think to yourself, 'does anyone even read my blog?' You always think no one does but actually, there might be a few people out there who does read your blog. To think again, i don't really care how many faithful readers i have or how many times my blog is visited. I just want to keep this blog over the years and who knows i can always laugh to myself when i see my old post? It holds a lot of memories. I have been a blogger for FOUR straight solid years and i don't just want to abandon my blog just like that. I shall blog more often. I'll try, teehee ^^ Sorry dear blog for leaving you for awhile. I am finally back!

I don't like people who are HUNGRY for fame. Those people who try their hardest to make their blog seem so interesting to be one of those 'famous bloggers'. So they blog just to 'entertain' others. I don't get it. Some people in this world are just trying to hard. Why can't you just be yourself? If people love you for someone who you are not, that's not even love. I would rather have someone who loves me for me and accept me just the way i am. Anyway, i don't even know what i'm saying. This blogpost is rather random. i don't even know what topic to even talk about. Just basically typing whatever that is coming out of my mind.

Anyway, holidays are going okay for me. Nothing much, nothing special, nothing magnificent. All i do is either stay at home or hang out with my friends. Yeap, that's about it. I should have worked actually but it's too late already. My results are coming up soon. Usually i just want the date of my results to be more later but right now, i just can't wait to get my results. I can't wait for it to get it over and done with. I am scared, though. So please pray for me! <3

I shall end this post now. I am getting abit tired. Till the next post, goodbye.

2010-11-10T18:09:00.011+08:00

So i'm finally back to blogging.

It has been such a long time since i last updated this page. I think the last time i updated was during my N'levels but now it's already over! I'm just glad everything is over now and i'm having such a fun time during my holidays. Alot has been happening. From meeting new people, more outings, more bonding, doing a whole lot new things with people. For now while i'm enjoying my time on my holidays i'll still be hoping every night that i'll be able to go back to school for my O'levels next year during secondary five. It's the only goal i have now. 17 decemeber, please be nice to me. thank you very much.

As you can see, 2010 is already coming to an end very soon. Doesn't time pass by so fast? In just a blink of an eye, a second is already gone. From me just choosing my subjects before entering secondary three, playing a fool and crying on the day on my results hoping i'll get to go secondary four, studying my ass off for my n'levels and now? Gosh, i didn't know time would pass by this quickly. Before you know it, we will be counting down to 2011 and watching the fireworks. All of us, will be making a new resulotion. I have some in my mind. Which is defnitely, to work hard for my O'levels. I regret not working as hard for N'levels. I took things very easily, i didn't see the importance of everything. If i get to make it, i have to work my butt off. No more lazying around. *crosses fingers*

Anyhoo, i was reading my old post from my blog yesterday. I found many things. Many old pictures. I was just remembering the old times i used to have. The old friends i used to have. The old good fun times. Sometimes i think to myself i think i prefer to be in the past then where i am now. Sometimes i feel that i enjoyed my past then how i'm feeling now. But to think again, that's the past. Past shall be past. Let bygones be bygones right? I don't regret anything in life because whatever i have done, whatever choices i have made makes me who i am today. In every mistake i have done, there was always a learning cycle to everything. I've learned so much from my past and i grew. i grew into a different person. There's no point living in the past. In life there is only one thing you can say about it which is: Life has to go on, so keep going. And i guess that's really true. I may have lost some friends, but i have also met new one's. I am who i am now and i like it just the way it is.

I mean, looking back at how stupid i was just made me laugh. The way i used to blog, let me tell you it's just way hilarious. I do admit, i used to be a BITCH. Yes, i sad it. A bitch. I used to blog about the slightest things that gets on my nerves and therefore, it caused me problems. Haha well, that was one i was secondary one. It made me feel "cool." Looking at where i am now, i'm happy to be here. I'm happy i pulled through every obstacle i faced and learned from my mistakes. I'm 16 now. I'm freaking 16666! (oh wait, not really hehe)

In a month time, i will be celebrate my 16th birthday. Pretty excited this year eventhough i have no plans at the moment. I'll be celebrating it with a special new person and it makes me feel so estatic. 16 seems like a big deal to me and i don't really know why. Maybe it's the excitement of me getting into cinemas which has ratings of NC16? I used to get so freaking annoyed with those movies which said it was NC16 eventhough i was just a month away from being 16. Not fair, isn't it? Oh well. I can surely enjoy it afterwards. Then M18, R21? Wow, time passes so fast man. I don't like the feeling. I just don't want everything to end so quickly, sometimes i wish time would slow down so i can enjoy every single moment of it and treasure it.

Okay that comes to the end of my blogpost. Just so you know, i'll be blogging and vlogging too. Yes, tough job but since i have all the time in the world to do both, why not? I love to do both. I just think i might be vlogging more. If i don't have the chance to blog, i'll just post my videos up on this page. This can be an advantage as people may bloghop and bam it's me! HAHAHA okay lameeeeooooo~ Oh yes, one thing i've never changed since last time is = ME BEING JUST LAME.

CHALOBETEH EVEYRONE~ Look foward for more blogpost from me!

2010-11-08T15:50:00.001+08:00

hi hi testing

2010-11-07T15:04:00.005+08:00

HI I KNOW MY BLOG HAS BEEN DEAD FOR LIKE SO LONG.

I've been asked, "why is your blog so dead?" And i've decided.... i should start blogging back again soon. I don't know this page has been dead, it's prolly because i am lazy to update or i lost my interest in blogging. If you didn't know, i do more vlogging then i blog. I'm thinking of doing both now? And on the days i have outings, i can just post up the video on this page so i don't have to do a lenghty post. What do you guys think? Hmmmmm.

Anyway, if i'm really going to start back blogging... i'll be back on the 10th. So stay tuned :P

2010-09-21T00:58:00.001+08:00

HIATUS.

I'll be back with more updates soon. This page will be empty, very empty. See you guys after N's!

2010-09-13T22:24:00.004+08:00

What does beauty means to you?

Tell me your answers on my tagboard or my formspring and i'll read it all up on a video. I'm also going to make a vlog on that topic above, beauty. If you are not shy or embarassed, you could sign into your formspring account(if you have one) and give me your answers so in that way i can know who it is and i can read your name out in my video! If you don't have an account, simply just leave your name down! If you are going to answer it on my tagboard, do leave your name too! Or maybe just a nickname. Anything will do. So, what does beauty really mean to you guys? I'm looking for the best one's ^___^ Looking foward to your answers!

http://www.formspring.me/annadollyy

PS: I'm just doing this for fun. I'm just interested to know what you guys think. See ya!

2010-09-01T19:34:00.012+08:00

Things that have been going on lately.

This is only going to be a little short description. The rest, let the pictures do the talking alright.

CIP for Arts Alive 2:

I think it was last friday when i had this CIP program. Intially, i wasn't at all excited for this CIP. I mean the thought of helping out on something for 6 hours straight and what's worst, on a friday! I really thought it was going to boring at first. It was held at Replubic Poly, my first visit there. To tell you the truth, there was only one thing going through my mind when i was at RP. So we had to wear apron's because we had to be 'hygenic' since we were going to serve food for the VIP. I think the whole thing was fun actually. Thanks to the company i had. They made everything much more exciting. Also, i've seen a nice side of my DM from my school. I never knew she could be nice, haha! Everything ended at around 11 plus. Thank god there was transportation back to school... if not! RP is so freaking far, never want to be schooling there. Overall, i had a good time with them. Only sadly because i didn't get to watch the performances, but oh well! ^^

Teachers Day Celebration:

Today is teacher's day so happy teacher's day to all! Yesterday was the celebration held in school. I hesistated to go to school at first because the idea of going to school for 2 hours just made me think it was a complete waste of time. School started at 8.30am, so i could sleep in for awhile! Awsum! (Y) I didn't regret going to school because the celebration was great! Honestly, i think this was the best celebration throughout the four years i had in this school. Teachers dancing, teachers singing, embarrassing themselves, great performances = made me lost my voice due to all the screaming. I had so much fun! School ended around 10.30am, supposed to meet the boy but since he had other plans while i had no plans, i stayed at home. Amazing huh! i spend the whole day from morning to night catching up with LOST season 6 episodes. Yes, i finally finished the whole season! Quite a sad ending :( I cried so many times all the way. I can't believe it's finally over. The way i cried, it was as if i just lost a friend. Been following the LOST series for god knows when, i just can't get over it! Boooo (N)

Geylang with mummy:

This is my very first time in the month i have visited geylang. Actually, the very first time i'm accompanied my mum to find my own baju. This year, i wanted to pick it out myself. Yes, usually my parents would go all the way to geylang and get a baju for me and when they come back with it, i'll give my opinion. Actually their taste are usually very good so whatever they get for me, i don't mind. I don't know why this time i wanted to pick it out myself. Just to let you know, i was VERY VERY CHOOSY AND PICKY. Well, more to frickle-minded. It was really hard to find the baju that i really wanted. Not to mention, the hot weather. It was killing me! We went round and round everywhere and after 3 solid hours, i found the one i really wanted. It's red! I really loved it too. When i was trying it out, everyone practically stared at me and said 'wahhh cantik.' Even one of the mak cik stole my idea and kpo2 wanted to get that baju as well. Tsk! I guess it was really that nice that it caught other people's eyes as well. Definitely satisfied! ^^

Pictures time! Oh note, i took this pictures with my old camera since my SLR is spoiled ;(

Pictures:

2010-08-29T00:23:00.004+08:00

It's time i shall update on this page for abit. Just look at this page, it has been absolutely pathetic-ly empty for quite some time. I have been lazy. Lazy to blog. Nothing interesting to share. I lost my 'skill'. I lost my 'interest' in blogging. I'm pretty much dissapointed because i love to blog and i want to continue to blog. It's just.... i lost the interest thanks to everything else like twitter and tumblr. They are also like blogs to me. Just that twitter i'm 'blogging' almost every second of my life. Tumblr is like blogging about how i feel about everything through pictures.

I apologise to my avid readers for dissapointing you for coming to my page and seeing the same post every time. Omg wait, this has been the 103847467 time i have been apologising about the same thing. Everytime i come to blog, i keep on saying the same things. It's like deja vu. It happens all the time. That shows how much less i have been blogging. If this continues, i shall just move to tumblr permanently. No point keeping a blog that needs to be constantly be blogged but doesn't until the last minute. I shall blog more often. I promise. Well, hopefully.

So my life has been pretty okay. Nothing interesting or 'wow' happened lately. Just the same old thing. I have been punished by the school for doing something that i didn't do. I was completely innocent but i guess i was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I can't believe innocent souls was dragged into it. But oh well, my intentions were gooooood. It's all over now. My punishment is over so thank god. I'm through with it. I've learned my lesson, very much. School has been the most boring shit ever. I dread school very much. I have no mood and interest in school anymore, pretty much like i'm sick of it. Emotionally drained by everything. Interesting cause my N'levels are coming and yet i'm loosing interest in my studies. This shall not happen. I am going to die. I need to wake up, quickly. Instantly. PRONTO.

I honestly can't wait until N'levels are over. No more studying, just partying. A lot of new meet ups coming my way. Already made plans for that, can you believe it? Haven't started, yet im planing for what's after something that hasn't even started yet. Amazing. I will have so much freedom and my mum won't even have to give me the excuse saying 'your exams are coming so you must stay home!' anymore. Omg, can't wait for that to come. I'll be the happiest girl on earth when my parents will ever stop questioning me whenever i want to go out. Innocent outings, you know. Sigh.

Apart from that, i do want time to slow down a little more. Mainly because i think i need more time for my studies before the horror N'levels arrive and majorly because i need to spend so much more time with the boy. I don't want him to go. I don't know how i would be the day before he leaves. Or rather, the day he does. Omg, i think i'll hit depression. HAHAHAHA, okay i'm prolly overeacting. This is the result of being bored at 1am.

I shall go now. Blog another time soon, hopefully. Thanks for your time reading this shitty poop post. Goodnight everyone.

2010-08-20T20:28:00.002+08:00

So since someone wanted to have a closer look on how fahmy looks, there you go! Oh someone even mentioned on my tagboard that fahmy is ugly. Wow, amazing. You must be so handsome/pretty is it? C'mon, no one is perfect in this world. Neither are you. He doesn't need to be the hottest and cutest guy in this world to make me love him. Love is about accepting the way the other person is. For knowing who the real person is from inside. To love that someone for it's inside, not just the outside. I could date a guy who is hot but a total jerk, but no thank you. I'm good with fahmy who has a good heart and knows how to take care of me. I love and accept him the way he is no matter what others thinks. Okay? Get that in your head, bitches.

Alright. Proper updating time! It's freaking T.G.I.F today! I simply love fridays mostly because i can get to sleep late and wake up late. Or relax the whole day today because knowing that tommorow there won't be school. I just like the feeling. Today's weather is awesome too! In the morning, the rain was super heavy. It was like some kind of storm until my father had to send me to school. I felt like a small kid for a second. Haha. But the advantage is, i didn't get drenched at all. Thanks daddy. Even during going home time it was rainning again. Thank god i had an extra umbrella in my bag. I like rain, it's nice to sleep (Y) I hope it rains again tonight. Super shoik~

I was editting my video earlier on. Took me a long time. I really put a lot of effort into this video, i don't know why but I did. I tried to make it look like a real vlog. A professional one. I tried making it more interesting and funny this time since people has commented saying it's boring to them so i did something different this time. I wasn't stiff anymore again. heh. So yeah, i added songs, titles, funny scences, effects and so on. I have already uploaded a video talking about it so you guys can check it out right now if you are reading this. Haha. For my new vlog video, you can check it after 12am since i'll upload every saturday but i am too very excited so i just have to upload it soon as possible. So 12am it is! ^^ i just hope you guys enjoy it as much as i did enjoy doing it. Do check it out soon alright peeps!

Shit has been going on lately. Bitches are becoming more bitchy but i don't give a hoot anymore. This is my life, no one tells me what to do. I don't have to live up to people's expectations and answer to everyone's questions on telling me what to do this and that. You are not my mother, so stay out of my life and go back to your own. Apart from that, i'm going to stand strong cause i have been a strong girl from the start. nothing is going to bring me down, nothing is going to break me. I am me, and no one can take that away from me. Now, that's the spirit!

N'levels are in two weeks away for a few papers. I did really well and better than expected for my Social Studies prelim paper 2. I didn't expect to pass, really cause all i did was rubbish. But i did well! I think i got a B3? But i made a couple of mistakes, i could have gotten a A2 just by two more marks. Wasted huh? I just hope my literature marks doesn't pull me down. Need to start studying already. NO TIME TO WASTE.

Alright people, that's it for today. Love you.xx

.

2010-08-18T09:48:00.003+08:00

PRELIMS ARE FINALLY OVER!!!! FUCK YEAHHHH.

So i'm done with prelims one and two. Getting ready for my last and final lap, the horror N'levels. It didn't really feel like prelims to me though, because i didn't stress myself out. It felt rather relaxed and eventhough prelims is still important, i didn't study much. Hmm, looks like i am in a need of a attitude change here. I cannot carry on being all lazy and shit when it comes to N'levels. When n'levels come, i'm really not going to be on the computer all day long anymore. I'm really going to mug like one mad woman. Hahaha. Okay seriously.

Anyway, been a long time since i last updated properly! My blog has been dead and boring. Only filled with boring little short updates. I have been lazy, nothing interesting to share and i have been busy too. Well, sorta. So now that prelims is over, i have a little bit more time for my laptop but less time than usual since i want to use half of my time with my books. My books shall be my boyfriend now, sorry HP mini, you are now officially my ex-boyfriend. But i'll still be visiting you, more or less like i'm cheating with you on my books. HAHAHA okay someone shoot me right now, i'm being myself. And what's that? Myself = lame asshole.

Alrightalright, time to get seirous. So today marks my last paper, and i finished super early. This is why i am blogging early in the morning at 10am. RARE. I'll be meeting my love later on. Intially, we were supposed to catch a movie together but we decided to cancel our movie plans at the last minute as the movie timings were all late. Left with nothing to do, we decided to just spend some time together since i can't be home too late. I mean, there isn't a need to do awesome stuff and big exiciting stuff with him, i'm still happy as long as i get to see him. Quality time. I miss him so effing much, you have no idea.

Oh yeah guys, i won't update much here unless i have something interesting to share. Maybe during the weekends, mostly. Apart from that, you can always visit my tumblr for more updates and enteratainment looking at pretty pictures i reblogged. I do update about my life here and there on my tumblr as well. So it's like holding two blogs to update. Haha. I have also stopped making videos for awhile and let me tell you, I MISS IT! I miss complaining and venting all my anger and sadness towards the camera screen. I swear, it's one of the best ways to let yourself cool down. To express everything out, instead of hitting on walls and breaking innocent objects. It's one of the ways i put a sense of thought into something. Might be doing some today. If not, you guys can wait for the weekends for new videos! Thinking of doing a make up tutorial soon ^.^

Alright you guys, i'm done updating here since i'm out of words to say. Loool. Oh my seriously, i don't know why i feel so happy and excited that i'm back. Like for real. I don't know why i'm so excited updating my blog. I just like the feeling. It's as if i can finally breathe. Oh right, i know why. I have to left out how i feel from inside into words. In that way, i feel so much better. Thank you guys for wasting like a few minutes reading this stupid post. HAHA.

I love you all (;

2010-08-16T22:37:00.001+08:00

SHOULD I MOVE TO TUMBLR?

Feel like moving there. I don't know. how? Comment pleaseeee!

2010-08-15T20:51:00.002+08:00

I have lost my interest in blogging ;( Grrrrrr.

I WILL BE BACK BLOGGING NORMALLY AFTER PRELIMS ARE OVER. Which is by wednesday. I will be active more on tumblr for the time being since it's easier to post pictures that describes my feelings instead of words. I shall see you all pretty soon.

New videos coming up next week. Sorry for the delay. Love you guys.
xx

2010-08-12T16:21:00.008+08:00

Hi you guys! Missed me? Heheheheheh~
Anyways, i'm just here to tell you that you should.....

FOLLOW ME ON TUMBLR AND TWITTER!

Okay i know i'm slow lah. It's not that i'm slow actually, i've just been lazy to use it. I created tumblr like i don't know when, only posted a few times then i ditched it. Same goes for twitter just that i created my twitter way long before my tumblr. I didn't want to be active there because i found it a hassle. Also because, i didn't know how to connect my phone to my home interent(ikr), but now i do! And i've already gotten my password for the Wireless at SG thingy thing. Signed up many times before, but all failed. So finally it worked this time. So now i guess it's easier to twit! Since i said before, i can't twit much since i only use my home laptop and it would be boring. So at least now i can twit when i'm outside. Tumblr because i actually like the pictures and all that. Actually my tumblr won't be filled with words. More to pictures. I'll blog about my daily life and rants/complains here at this blog. So my tumblr is just for fun ^.^

tumblr:

http://www.killyourbarbiedollz.tumblr.com

twitter:

http://twitter.com/AnnaaDolly

(Okay mind you i haven't twit much yet. The twits i have there are all old one's. I'll start soon.
For now, i shall study maths. oh bummer! 2 more hours to eating time!

2010-08-09T01:37:00.004+08:00

Hey you guys. Just a short little update before i head to sleep since my eyes really can't take it. Just would like to say a couple of things. Firstly, i was supposed to blog about sports day and my sister's 21st birthday celebration and i'm supposed to upload the photos up to facebook and as well as at my blog but i've decided i will not blog about it until i find a day when i'm really free. That is when i have the time to just sit down and blog all day long without feeling guilty of not hitting the books. So if you are waiting for the updates and pictures of the last few outings i had, i'm sorry that you have to wait. But, i'll blog about it soon on another day. Just not now. Hopefully, i would still remember clearly what happened on both days but i doubt i would. I'll try to anyways. Pardom me for my major STM - short term memory. It's a 'thing' i have stuck in me.

Secondly, i will be M.I.A - missing in action in my blog. The reason(s) why i won't update much is because i'm trying to spend less time using my laptop and spending more time with my books which means, studying. Blogging in just a day can take up a lot of time and i would rather stuff information in my head then to tell people about my own life. I gain nothing from that but only recording my own life and entertanining others for some. Since prelims are just this week, I really want to give my ALL and a hundred percent so i'm going to do my best. I'm treating this prelims like my N'levels. I really want to wake up and cut off from the slack cause i only have less than two months before the real thing arrives and i don't want to be the one regretting at the end of the day.

Although i won't be updating/blogging much, i would be active on my facebook and formspring. Since i can't live without facebook as i always have to update myself with facebook. And, you can always leave me a question/comment on my formspring because i'll always reply on time. Lastly, i'll only blog or maybe give quick updates on my exams/life during my weekends, prolly. Since i have the whole day. So i expect that i won't be totally MIA in my blog. Maybe just less updates? We'll see how it goes. Just giving a 'warning' so that you guys would understand why IF my blog happens to be so dead and not suprised if you enter my blog seeing the same post over and over again. So i'll explain myself before questions are asked.

Lastly, youtube vidoes. I MIGHT not post new videos every week now and then. Maybe some, maybe when i'm free, maybe when i feel like it. Now, i don't have the time to make new vidoes so if any of you request for a certain video, i will do it. But... just not now. I'll do it once prelims are over if i have the time. You can still request, cause i'll try my best to do it but you must stay patient. I won't totally leave my youtube quiet, i'll post old videos that i haven't posted before. Yes, there are videos that i'm supposed to post, just didn't post it up yet. So i hope that will keep you guys entertained for the mean time. I'll be back with fresh new videos and much more fun & interesting videos when exams end. I'm sorry if the videos i'll be posting will bore you. Videos every weekend. ^.^

In the end, this wasn't a 'short update' i wanted it to be. Huhu. Alright, that's all for today. Stay tuned for more when i'm free. Goodnight everyone & all the best to you guys who are preparing for your exams and prelims as well. I love you all. xx

2010-08-06T22:24:00.007+08:00

I am the happiest daughter alive.

So my mum gave me a tiny winy little suprise today. When i was home happily watching tv, she came next to me and passed me this black box and told me she bought this for me. When i asked her what it was, she told me it was a notebook. First thing that came into my mind was, 'why would she buy me a notebook?' I really got curious to find out what it really was because i could tell by her face she was joking. But at the same time, i really didn't know if it was real or fake. So this is what happened. Scroll down to look what happened. (with pictures) Warning: This might cause some suspense. Haha ^^

This is how it first looks like. From the looks of it, i really didn't expect it to be what it was. I really for a second believed my mum that it was a notebook. But in my head i already went, 'i need a new notebook for school anyway. i wonder how it looks like. i hope it's nice with colourful designs.' Hahaha. I was already thinking on how the 'notebook' would look like (!!)

So i turned the box to the back, and i saw the ingredients listed as shown in the picture above. From then on i was abit confused because how could a notebook have ingredients am i right? So i knew it wasn't a notebook. My second guess, i thought it was a box of chocolate. Yes, i didn't read the ingredients word for word because i was too exicted to open it up to see what it is. So i thought it was some kind of food since there was ingredients in it.

So after opening the box out, this is how it looked like. For a second again, i really thought it was a notebook. I got fooled so many times mann. Cause really, it really does look like some kind of notebook since it's really flat and thin. Also, in the back of my mind i was thinking... 'laptop??' I know right, what crazy guessing i'm making up.

So when i opened the plastic bubble thingy i saw this

............

It's macccc(!!!!) And if you don't know what is mac, it's the most awesome-est make up brand. It's really expensive too, though. But it's really good. They sell all kinds of nice make up in mac and it's a really good make up. The best i've known. I love mac. So when i saw the word 'mac', i literally gasp and then shouted OMG. - Standard. And so, i opened it up again cause at this point, i still didn't know what it was(ikr.)

And this was it....

I was in a state of shock. Oh my god. Just look at it, isn't it so tempting? Makes me feel like licking it. HAHAHA NOT! Okayokay, if you knew me well. I'm obssesed over make up. I think i get turn on when looking at make up. Huhu. I was asking my mum where do i get this kind of eyeshadow pallates since forever since mine broke and she threw it away and we have been going around trying to look for it. Little did i know she went out today and got me this. I aksed her for the price and i regret asking because she told me it's over 200 dollars. My jaw dropped. I felt so guilty but yet happy at the same time. I really don't like using my mum's money. That's why i was feeling guilty since it's really expensive. But whatever it is, i love my mummyyy! So thoughtful of her. Thanks mom!

Today was sports day and i'm really tired from all the running/sweating/playing. Grrrr. My flu is still here, hopefully i will recover by tommorow. Can't wait for tommorow! Blog tommorow or something. OHOH! New videos uploadingggg nowww, do check it out when it's done! Chalobeteh~

2010-08-05T21:06:00.003+08:00

Wassup bloggers ^.^ Sorry i left my blog dusty for about four days? I actually really can't stand the feeling of leaving my blog dead. I just feel somehow empty? I like to keep it clean and updated. Anyway, the reasons(s) why i haven't been updating on a daily basis is because i have been busy with school. Yes, fucking school. School is always ending late plus the numerous homeworks we recieve, i don't even have time to blog. Once i get home, i'm already exhausted enough and i only go online to check on my facebook and formspring. After a few minutes, i'll log off and then i'll do my homework + studying. Oh, i tried updating my blog through my BB(blackberry), but there was some kind of error. Bahh, annoying-ness.

Basically been having tons of test lately. Prelims are just next week and yet i seem more relaxed then i am supposed to be. The stress is defnitely there. Hearing teachers repeating the words 'prelims' as well as 'n levels' is already enough to drive my brain nuts. I mean, we all know it's coming soon, could you just lay off with that? We don't need people to keep on reminding us that it's already near, as if we don't know? Who would even forget it's already arriving anyway. Haha. What i'm trying to say is, i would be rather more interested and attentive in lessons when the teachers make learning fun. Shouldn't learning be fun? Teachers said themselves, we should have a balance between work and play. From what i see, in school only 100% work. No breaks, no rest, no fun. How not to be tired? Even before prelims, i'm already emotionally drained by studies. I bet when 'N' levels come, i would be dead by then.

Yesterday was one of my 'stress' days. Had tons of things to do. I stayed attentive in all of my class/lessons and i studied hard, really hard. Even in the slackiest classes, while everyone was laughing, slacking, having fun, i did my own work and studied on my own. Got home, had tuition for 3 hours straight instead of two hours which left me no time to do my homework as i was too sleepy by the time i ended tuition. Due to my health issues, i am told i cannot be in stress. I mean i can, but not too much. My stress level is already high eventhough i don't feel like i was stress (this was months ago), but i think now it's already getting higher. When i'm stress, i fall sick. I think that explains why i feel like i'm coming down with a slight fever since yesterday. Currently down with sore throat and a flu. FML.

Anyways, i didn't only abandon my blog but i sort of abandon my youtube channel. See how busy i am? I have new videos, tons of them actually, just didn't had the time to upload all of them. People are slowly loosing interest, iamsosad. But anyways, i'm uploading two new videos tonight then maybe tommorow or during the weekends, i'll add my new vlogs and a tutorial. Excited? Cause i am. Haha! I would like to make an apology for those who always wait for me to upload new videos. I know there are tons of people requesting me to do more make up tutorials, until now i haven't done it because i'm waiting for my new make up to arrive. I can't do without it. So i'm sorry for making you guys wait. Doing tutorials take up more time and effort than vlogs. Vlogging is simple, i like it ^_^v. If you are wondering why i have the time to blog and upload videos today is because i don't have work to do today since tommorow won't be normal school. Tommorow is sports day! I am so exciteedddddddd!

Currently, i am looking foward to a couple of things. For tommorow sport's day, my sister's birthday celebration and national day and the days where i have no school which means i can sleep in like a pig, and i can't simply wait for the end of Nlevels. Not to forget, August 15th. I miss someone, the feeling of you going to be gone for awhile really sucks. No matter what, i love you always. Okay i'm done blogging! Such a longgggg post. Pretty good huh. Okay chiao! Visit my youtube channel for the new vidoes alright!

2010-08-01T19:15:00.007+08:00

Triple date!

So my saturday was spent with my lovelies! I had five free tickets to give away and so i asked many around but they all had their own plans. Of course, i had to drag my baby along with me cause he is the one who MUST come along with me. Intially, no one was free only except my cousin and his girlfriend which i made friends with through facebook. So i thought it was only going to be the four of us so i told them it was only a double date. But then, i didn't want to waste the other two of my tickets so i asked my best girlfriend Erma, if she's free! Thankfully, she was! We tried inviting a few other friends we both knew, but none of them were free so she brought along her own date. So in the end, it was a triple date. ^_^.

I met up with fahmy first. Intial plan was to meet at one but i delayed a lot and we ended up meeting at two. We walked around town since this boy was hungry and everywhere was full. Went to penin to find his hat/beanie but didn't find any so we went to marina macs and it was still full. So we ended up at KFC. I didn't want to eat at first, since i already ate at home so i asked him to buy me JUST cheese fries but he came back to me with cheese frieds + popcorn chicken + another pack of fries. And i was like whuuuuuttt? But in the end he ended up finishing my popcorn chicken + fries for me so it's cool :> Haha! Oh, we had a mini arguement in between. There was this looooong silence between us and it made my eyes watery but i didn't want to cry because i didn't want to destroy my make up, HAHAH. But we were okay after that. Thank god.

Met up with the rest outside cineleisure at around 4 plus. Went up to buy popcorns and we had to wait outside for a pretty damn long time to enter the theatre. Oh did i mention we watch the soccerer's appretince? It was a great show. Thumbs up for that! (Y) After that, we all went our seperate ways. Fahmy had to leave early so it was only erma & i alone! Yaaaay. So we walked around town aimlessly, finding a nice spot to sit to take some pictures. Found a spot, took some pictures and videos too! We did a very embarassing thing, we walked in the middle of town with holding my camera right up taking a video and many strangers were staring at us i tell you! After that, accompanied erma to have our dinner at long john silver! Walked around again and settled at this spot to have our chit chat and snap pictures + videos again. I got so annoyed with my hair so i decided to tie everything up in a ponytail and erma started to call me a barbie doll cause she said i looked like one. LAWL. ^^

Around 10pm, we left town and went home. I had to take two trains home, what a bummer. I wanted to drop to bedok to take a bus back but in the end, i was too lazy so i decided to walk home. It was kindda scary to be walking home alone in the dark but thank god there was this other boy who was also walking home alone. But after halfway reaching to my house, he went the other way so i was alone. I was practially walking so fast like one scared motherfucker. Hahahah! Reached home around 11pm and i was exhausted!

Here are some pictures we took. I don't have pictures with our dates, though. Rest of the pictures will be uploaded on facebook soon. Same goes for the videos, youtube! :D Enjoy.

2010-07-28T20:54:00.005+08:00

Good Evening Everyone! ^.^

I'm pretty much in a good mood today. I guess i got back to my old self. Sorry for the previous sad blog post, or should i say the "emo" post. People did make fun of my post, saying i cried like a stupid baby or even asked me to stop being emo. Do you know how much i hate it when people are sad and they label you as 'emo'? I mean, how is that being emo? Is that even being emo? Because the last time i check, i have no marks of slitting my wrist neither do i have dark emo hair or dress alblack and look like a slop. I mean, everyone has their sad and gloomy days. I think you guys should really respect it instead of just making fun of it because it's really not a nice thing to do. I'm not affected but i'm just saying what i think. But after thinking a lot of the matter, i'm feeling much better now. Yes i did cry but that would be my last time crying for this certain person. I mean, it's done right? I'm not going to look back anymore. It's finally over. On the brighter side, i don't have to suffer shit with you anymore. We should have ended this earlier but it's okay. I'm done with you anyways ^_^v.

I'm not going to let boys bring me down. I realised not everyone can make me happy. No one has made me happy so far. But so what? I make myself happy. I am better off alone and i don't need people to be with me. Eventhough i have a fear of being alone, i think i should start to be independant. I'm going to walk this road alone and i won't have no fear. Try to break me, cause you'll never will. I am who i am, and i won't change for anyone. I don't need more people stepping into my life and breaking it into pieces and then leave my life for good. If you want to be a part of my life, be in it forever. Not just a temporary thing. There must be a commitment if you really want something. Whatever it is, there's always a reason why these people don't make it to our future lives am i right? I learned so much from everything. Let's move foward.

So anyway, the modelling agency called me last night asking me to go for the interview this saturday. To think of it, i don't think i'll be going since it would prolly be a waste of my time? Since they would definitely ask for my money. So most prolly i won't be attending. Still thinking about it, though! Going for a free movie this saturday too! I can't wait. Something free, definitely i'll be going. Haha my face very cheapskate i know -.- Hehhh. But who wouldn't enjoy free things mann? I mean if you had a choice between something you have to pay and something that is free, obviously you would pick the free one am i right? Tsssk. okay i'm talking shit already.

So basically i have been pretty caught up with school. So many assignements, test, revision and whatnot. I feel that i have been doing a lot of maths lately. But i'm really improving. Still haven't reach the passing marks yet, but i'm halfway there. Just a few more marks i pass! Sucha waste right. Hmmmm. Tommorow i can go home early since there won't be any tutorials, yahoooo ^^. Alright, i really don't have much to say now. I will blog more if i have something more interesting to talk about. Stay tuned!

2010-07-26T19:41:00.006+08:00

Pen down my thoughts.

Like i said, i would plug in my earphones to listen to our song since it's the only memory i have of you. At first, i couldn't cry eventhough my heart was in pain. I thought to myself, why should i keep on crying for this? The mintue the song changed to 'our' song, my tears flowed down immdiately. I cried until i couldn't cry anymore. I cried till it hurts to badly in my eyes. I cried for hours and hours. From the time i went to bed, 11pm. Till the time i finally went to sleep, 1.30am.

I was prepared for this. I expected it. Somehow, i knew this would happen. I thought i would be strong when that day came, but instead if felt as if someone stabbed me in the heart. I'm not sad everything's done, i'm just sad for the fact you didn't try. I gave my all, i had half of you. I did my best, i gave my 100 percent. I tried and tried and tried until i got tired of trying until i waited for you to try(at least), but in the end you gave up. You gave up everything. Dropped the bomb on me, leaving me all alone. I wished you would fight for me, like how i fought for you. You made it so impossible to get to your heart. All you did was to push me away. I needed you, needed you, needed you but where were you while i needed you the most? Most of the time, i waited for you. Waited for you in total confusion. Waiting until the day you finally came to me and tell me you missed me.

You said what you had to say and the only thing that ran through my mind was - 'is this for real?' because i couldn't believe what i was seeing. I didn't believe it was actually happening. You closed all the doors, pushed me so far away making it impossible for me to get to your heart again. You ran away, you ran away, ran as far as you could. Just to get away from everything. While i'm here sitting, waiting for you like i always did. I didn't want to wait around anymore, but it's never too late to try to fix things up again. I was willing to give you my heart. I know what you are going through, but trust me i am going through worst. I always tell myself i'll be okay, but really? I'll be okay? I'm never okay. Never did, never will. Slolwy, i'll be giving up on life. Give up on love. Nothing seems to be worth it anymore. I can't believe you hurt me this way. I can't believe i'll be hurt for loving you. But i guess i'm all to blame.

You said you were willing to go through hell with me. Most of the time, you doubted me. You doubted my love. I tried to proove to you. Sometimes, i pulled myself back because i didn't want to fall too hard. I took precautions. Say you'd leave me, but i wanted you stay. Something's just not right. I had hope on you, i had hope on us. But i realised, i hoped for something that was impposible. Look at us now? Trying to be strong. It's just such a waste. Waiting to forget, waiting for this heart to heal. I'm back to my roots again - going through a heartbreak. I know you never meant this to happen, you had no intentions but i'm starting to feel so cold with this. I have a long way to go. Be it alone or not alone, i'll guess i'll go through this.

Please don't turn back cause i won't turn back. Looking back only kills me. What you said, you have said. What you have done, you have done. It's okay, it's alright, i'll be okay, i'll be fine. I forgive and i forget. We skipped a couple of pages, but i don't want to go back to how we started. Cause i know you won't try anyomore. You were a part of my life story, and that would remain as just that. Now it's time i close the pages, and move on to another chapter of my life story.

Now tell me, whose going to be the one to heal this heart of mine?
I'm running, running, running. Running after something i can find a long the way. True love. Does it even exist anymore? Or am I too late to grab it while i could?

2010-07-25T20:28:00.003+08:00

I've been too caught up by vlogging that i forgot to blog! (okay not really) But for a second i really did forget that I had a blog that needs to be updated! Yes, i did forget i had a blog. I don't like to abandon my blog. I treat my blog like my diary and I always have the habit of updating it once in a while. Actually, I usually update it everyday but nowadays, it's either i'm too busy, i forgot, lazy or most of the time, i have nothing interesting to blog about. Well, it happens all the time since my life is pretty boring. Wake up, school. Home, laptop. Do homework, sleep. Wake up, school. home, laptop. Do homework, sleep. Wake up, routine repeats for the next +1000 days soon after.

Okay so here's a few updates on my life. I have been pretty busy with school and stuff like that. Trying my very best to listen in class and yes i think it's working a little. Step by step yeah? So my daily routine is always the same. Ending school around 5 plus every single day. Tiring yeah? Oh well, i have to endure since it's for the best since my prelims are drawing near. *scared* Every saturday, im either at home using my lappy or out meeting my bestfriend. I'm trying to spend my time with my bestfriend, you know! But i find it kind of hard. Time is passing by too fast, don't you think? I wished it could just slow down a little. I regret leaving things up to the last minute. I mean, nothing is ever too late but i wished i could have started to do everything much much earlier. So i won't feel such a rush in doing everything. Pretty stressed up. Prelims are coming. N'levels are about a month away. I know right. Time passes with a blink of an eye. All i'm hoping is to go to sec 5, that's my main goal. I just want my O'level certificate and go to Poly and then i'm plan for my future, future. Haha.

So i'll be having my N'level malay orals tommrow afternoon. I have done my English orals and i have to say, i regretted. So this time, i don't want to regret after doing my malay orals. I'm pretty nervous and i'm actually more nervous for my malay then i was for my english mainly because i don't speak malay well. Honestly, i suck at talking malay. I seldom talk in malay. So if the examiner starts to talk to me in malay(duh), it takes me quite awhile for it to go into my head and translate it back to english on my own and then from my english words translate to malay. Yeah i suck at that part the most. Translating. Even the simplest words i can forget easily. Then i'll walk out of the hall remembering the word after that .__. Wish me luck because i need all the luck in the world please! And of course, all the best to those who are having it tommorow as well :)

Oh you know what? I have made a decision in life. For school, if i'm alone, i won't care. If my friends doesn't come to school for some apparent reason, i won't ask them why anymore. i won't tell them to come just for me anymore. I mean, it's their choice. So if im stuck alone, i can't do anything although i do have a fear of being alone. But....ohwells! I'm better off being alone i guess. Then, L-O-V-E. I don't know what i'll do about it but for now, i'm going with the flow. I'm sick of fixing up everything by my own so yes. Let fate and god decide who i deserve to be with :) But i'm still in love with someone, deeply. That's all i have to say. My life? Complicated but i'll be okay :D

Goodnight everyone. Have a great school week -.-

2010-07-22T20:17:00.004+08:00

Can you feel the stress coming?

Because I can. I have tons of things to be done by today since i need to hand in loads of shit by tommorow. So, i have two essays to write but i am only done with two paragrpahs. Then, i have three subjects to study since i'll be having three test in one day, tommorow. How awsum! (Y) I'll be having test every friday for maths and physics. Both of my weakest subjects. Awesome? I've been pestering my mum to get me a physics tutor but she's always delaying it. I don't know, i have only one month left and my subjects that i'm weak at is still pulling down. I have to find a way to pass my maths for the very first time in one month. Possible?

I feel so stupid today. I feel that everyone around me is much much smarter than me. People even under estimate me. I can't handle it. I have one month to spend with someone, one month to study until the most important paper comes. How to juggle? I'm seriously so scared but i'm not even doing anything. I just want to cry, because i know my results won't be good. I can see that coming already. Others already have their distincitions in their pocket. What about me? For every single subject, it's all a boderline pass. Where's that going to bring me? I mean i tried my very best and i'm really trying so hard but... it isn't working out. That's why i ended up being the last in the class when i thought i didn't deserve it because there were people who did more worse than me. I don't know... i just don't know.

Sometimes i do miss being in a relationship. Someone to keep me going in life. Someone to be here for me always to listen to all my complains and be here for me whenever i need someone. Seriously, i never thought i would miss things like this. But, i really do. But you know what? I just feel that no one is supporting me here. I just feel so alone. Really alone. I don't think people actually understands my situation. I really need someone to be here with me, physically and emotionally. Because all i SEE is 'iloveyou,youloveme' but i never hear it with my own ear's. I'm tired of believing in love. Really, i am.

I'm going to work my ass off, and believe me i'm crying while typing this shit ;(

2010-07-19T20:50:00.006+08:00

WHAT IT TO YA BITCHES?

Hi everyone! how is your monday going? Mine was not as good. School started with HHP where we had to learn the aces day dance. Guess what song it is? Waka waka eh eh -.- After hearing that song about a thousand times, it got stuck into my head until now. Yes, until now. But i like it (Y) After that we had maths. My teacher told me i've been working hard and telling me to keep it up. That's a good thing! Finally a teacher complementing me. I seldom get that. It's as if it's a rare thing, you know? It gives me some motivation to do better. Unlike some teachers who says ____. HOHO. Okay after malay, that's when my bestfriend for the month arrived. Such a bad timing. I got so worried my cramps would come as my cramps are really bad that i could even keep on vomitting. So yes, cramps did come but it wasn't as bad. I didn't go to the toilet, thank god! The rest of the day was okay but i didn't turn up for tutorials as my cramps got worst, so i headed home to rest instead.

About yesterday, catched eclipse with my sister. Finally get to wacth that show. I'm eyeing on this jacket and bag at cotton on! It cost 40 bucks each, hmmm. I think the prices at cotton on is getting higher, or is it just me? I even saw a jacket that cost 50 bucks and it doesn't even look 50 bucks kindda material, get my drift? That was why i decided not to buy it. Sigh. So i didn't get the jacket since i was out of cash. But i decided to get my school bag from another place. It's cheetah prints! hahaha, i know right. So common, but heck! Everyone told me my bag is nice, yaaaay. Pretty suprising they thought it was nice ^.^ My sister said, "it's so you! it's so ANNADOLLY! i can imagine you taking pictures and posing with my bag." Haha, what only -.-Whatever it is, i had a great time with my dereast sister. Been a long time since i last went out with her alone again, so it was nice to catch up and stuff like that. Although she looked so tired and felt like sleeping everytime i talked, LOL. But it's all gooood! I love you and thanks for yesterday and spending abit of your money on me, heh^_^v.

Plans for tommorow: Maybe going out with the b's since we don't have anything after school tommorow. Not sure where we are heading but I don't really care. The main point is, i have them around me. Hopefully shauna is able to make it, your presence really means a lot to us babe! Do get well soon, please~ We have so much catching up to do. I have a billions of stories to tell them. Icannotwait, because i miss them so much ):

Ohkay! Time to go off. Blog and vlog some other time, love you guys :)

bestfriend and I fought again, haish. I can't take all these fights anymore. What did i do wrong? In my eyes, i've done enough. In your eyes, you can't get over my mistakes. I thought you were my friend who would be there for me through whatever, but instead... it feels like i'm loosing you. Forget it, i think i'm better off alone. I'm done, goodnight. I'm gonna smile and say fuck you then walk away. hehh ^^

2010-07-18T13:57:00.002+08:00

So my plans for today is: WATCHING ECLIPSE!

Uhhuh yes, eventhough i didn't want to watch eclipse without watching new moon yet(ikr) but i asked my sister to summarize everything from new moon for me so i would at least understand what's going on later during eclipse. Haha! I can't wait you knowwww. Oh and yes! I'm going to catch it with my dereast sister. Time for some catching up to be done! ^^. What should i wear hmmmm? I hope i don't have much homework since there's school tommorow. Going to rush through all of it by tonight i guess. Oh how tiring.

Anyway, i should be having my tutition today but my mum gave me a shock by waking me up in the weirdest way which was to rub on my hand like a ghost or something -.- and she asked me if i would want to watch eclipse and cancel tuition. First time i heard that coming from my mother. Movie over tuition? OH HELL YEAHHH I'M SO GOING. Okay i'm sorry, i'm just pretty excited because i'm like a prisoner at home and i haven't been really going out that far out of bedok. Mhmmmm. Bedok,bedok,bedok. So boring please. Give me something exciting!

Okay besides all of the excitedness coming out of me, I don't have anything else to blog about! Bummer. I like writting long blogspot to make it look nice, idk why. That's just me. Okay the last thing i wanna say is, I HAVE UPLOADED NEW VIDEOS THIS WEEK. Sadly, it's not one of my make up & hair tutorials or what nots, it's just my old boring vlogging. Huhu. But guess what! I have a few ideas in my head already and maybe just maybe, my next few vlogs would be more interesting and funny and entertaining cause right now, i'm under the trainning to be a vlogger and i'm learning how to be better and how to get more views and stuff like that. So keep supporting okay guys! I love youuu(:

For now, i have to straighten my curly wurly's. Gooddayyyy everyone! ^-^v.

tell someone you love them, today.

2010-07-16T16:57:00.008+08:00

We're meant to loose the one's we love, if not how would we know how important someone is to us?

In other words, you'll never appreciate something before it's gone because we won't know what we have before it's gone. It's time we appreciate whatever we have around us before it's gone and we dont have time to look back and love anymore. We will never know what we have until it's gone. If you don't appreciate your life, you should appreciate you even have a life. If you think you are ugly, appreciate your looks before someone throws acid on your face and you are ugly forever. If you don't appreciate someone, you better do before that someone is gone and it would be too late to tell that person you love them. If you love someone, better tell them you do before it's too late. I learned all that after my grandfather passed away. I'm not as close to him but when i realised i was something like him, it made me regret not talking to him about our similarities. One of it, photography. I guess i got it from him. I never got a chance to tell him i love him. I never got a chance to be close to him. He was such an inspiration to me. He was always happy and so positive in life. Even after months or even years that pass by after his death, i do miss him. If only i could go back to tell him i love him but it's too late. I should have done it back then. But no point regretting right now. What's done is done and we're suppose to learn from our past and move on in life.

For me, i appreciate everything i have around me. From my family, friends, life and my lover(ehem). I want to appreciate everything from now on, and look at the brighter side of life instead of always being down. I want to be optimistic like how i used to. Things were better back then. It's time i do some changes. I want to have a different mindset. I want to change my mind about life. I want to remain happy and not let anything affect me anymore. I'ts been far too long i have been suffering and trying to put my broken heart pieces together. Truth is, everyone is going to hurt you but you have to choose if who is worth the fight. If you love someone, tell them today if you agree with my blogpost! And lastly, I want to tell you, i love each and everyone of you.

Do you love me too? ^-^v.

2010-07-14T21:18:00.006+08:00

Looooook! Mango doughnut! Yessah~ Finally satisfied my cravings for some doughnut. It's pretty sweet and tasty! Finished it up in like less than 2 minutes. You guys should go try it if you are a mango lover like meeee. C: I still have my oreo doughnut to go! Mmmmmm yummy (Y)

I'M VERY HAPPY TODAY.

Okay lah, not really. Let me start from... school! School was pretty okay. Nothing much. So one of the teachers told us that there isn't tutorials today and for the rest of the week. So everyone thought there wasn't tutorials. Then when we re-checked, there was maths tutorial -.- But nobody really knew about it. So only 5 turn up? I was one of the good girls who decided to attend although it was a complete waste of my time cause i fell alseep for 5 seconds because the fan was blowing right in front my face and it made my eyes super dry and sleepy. My maths teacher told me i look like a pontianak -.- FML. There was'nt lit though. So yeah, if any of 4/2 students are reading this, there are tutorials this weeek. Sigh. When it was annouced that there wasn't any tutorials, amalina & I practically stood up of our seats and starting cheering, walao cheat our feelings only -.- Bahhh.

So since there wasn't any lit tutorials, rachel and I headed to bedok interchange for awhile. Since we both needed to get some stuff from there, we decided to go together! I think Rachel is kind of the total opposite of me somehow. She's in love with k-pop, i'm in love with make-up. HAHA. So yes, i went to bedok inter to get my make up stuff while she went to get something for her kpop album. So headed to watsons but it didn't had the thing i wanted to buy but i found it at guardian! Guess what i bought? My make-up brushes! Finalllyyyyy. Haha. But it's abit small though. I want the real one's but couldn't find any but it's pretty okay since i lost all my eyeshadow brush and have been using my fingers the whole time -.- After done finding my make up stuff, followed rachel to get her kpop stuff. see told you were are diff. Haha.

After getting our stuff, we were both famished so decided to get a small bite. After that,we headed home. Now i'm so super tired. Only had my nap for a few minutes then my mum started to shout at me, grrrrrr. Tommorow will be a good day, i hope ;) Till here lovelies. ^-^v.

you left me broken.

2010-07-13T23:03:00.002+08:00

Somehow, i admit. I miss having someone to make me happy. In other words, i do miss being in a happy relationship. Although i never really had one because those happiness only lasted for awhile then it faded off. I just want someone to really treat me right. Actually i do like being single for now. But the thing is, i can't go without love. I just can't hear iloveyou youloveme and not feel any sense of touch with that someone. It just doesn't feel right. I wouldn't know what my heart says and how it would be when we see what we see in our eyes. I can't love someone to the extreme just by reading words and thinking it's real. I may fall for it, but i hold back. I think i really miss being happy in a relationship. It's been awhile because i have gone through shit last whole year. I think i'm going through more shit this year. Where's THAT guy? Is it you? Seriously, i don't know. BAHHHH.

Okay anyway, ignore that. You don't know how sleepy i am right now. I can just drop down dead right now. I don't have the mood to do anything today, i'm just so fucking tired and idk why. School is now like working hours. Going to be in school everyday for about 11 hours everyday of my life. Won't have enough sleep, rest, and time to do anything. School already makes me sick. It's only the first day tutorials started, but the thought of having to stay in school until about 5pm everyday from monday to friday already drains me. Yes, the thought of it already kills me i don't know how my brain will survive this whole week. Fuck it.

I wish i was born gifted, so i don't have to go to school for anything -____________-

2010-07-11T22:48:00.010+08:00

Stop laughing at my face k.

Sorry for the lack of updates. I've been busy? No, actually i wasn't busy at all. Okay maybe not really. I was only busy trying to get back to who i was. I was too lazy to blog and since i always don't have much interesting things to talk about in my blog, i decided not to blog or else my blog would be filled with shit in it. I don't want my blog to be filled with shitty post in it. And no, i don't think people like reading shit, right? To add to everyting, i have been pretty down these few days so i wanted to stay away from my blog because my blog is actually the port where i vent all my anger and problems to it. And at times, it adds to the problem if you get what i mean. So i didn't want that to happen! ^-^

So anyway, i'm back! As in the real me. The happy go lucky, bubbly cheerful me. I don't like being down and i've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Why must i always get affected by small things so easily? I'm not going to let shit affect me anymore. I mean, shit is just shit! Those shit can just poop more shit and add to it but it ain't gonna let me down! Haha okay no. What i'm trying to say is, live is too short and we may never know when our life might end so we must live it to the fullest before regretting it when it's gone. Am i right? I know we hear it a lot everywhere but i think it's rather true. (:

I want to change a few things about myself. This time, i am going to be determined to do it. I think i need to wake up. Prelims are about a month away. N'levels are about 2 or 3 months away and yet i'm still sleeping and slacking and wasting my precious time away. Starting from next week which is actually tommorow, i'm going to start my revision. And at least do some maths questions everyday. I must at least study before using my laptop. Yes, i am addicted to my laptop -.- But i shall reduce it slowly. Moreover, going online these days is getting boring. Nothing much to do. So yeah, i'll try my best to work freaking hard so that i can show others i'm not just a ..... bimbo? Haha. Yeah some people treat me like i'm stupid (:

My goal? I want to improve and i want to get an award. Award for either improvement or a top student. HAHAHAH. I think the top student part will never come true. But nothing is impossible right? Let's go! ^-^

2010-07-10T21:41:00.003+08:00

C'MON GIRL, DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW YOU ARE BITCHING ABOUT ME ON YOUR OWN BLOG. LIKE C'MON, IT'S OBVIOUS ENOUGH. AND PLEASE, IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME OR WITH MY YOUTUBE VIDEOS, COME FUCKING TELL ME IN THE FACE YOU TWO FACED BITCH! OH WAIT, I FORGOT. YOU ARE TOO SCARED.

KTHANKSBYE!

2010-07-07T20:47:00.007+08:00

I suddenly feel like i want to close down my youtube channel.

& I'm serious about it. I mean i do love taking videos and what not, it's just that... sigh. I don't know what to do with it. It's either i close it down, or just stop posting vidoes. I've been letting myself down lately. And like i said before, i made a youtube for myself. Not to get big nor to attract attention from anyone. I don't need that. I want people to know that because some people mistaken my intentions of having a youtube channel and i really don't like it when they do. I'm not faking my excuses. I just like to vlog. I like to talk about certain topics and discuss it and hear other opinions from others. I like doing request given to me, crazy stuffs, random shit with my friends and make up tutorials (although i suck at it) for everyone. I have interest in make up and all that too and i just like sharing it with others. Sometimes by vlogging, it does helps to clear my mind. I can just rant out everything that i hold back inside of me. Letting out my feelings and how i feel about certain things helps me to think straight and cool me down. And in a way, it did help me. Looking back on my videos and reflecting from it so i learn a lot about myself. But i just think that this youtube channel is just becoming more and more pathetic. I'm not expecting much, i don't want to but i just don't feel like doing this anymore. I don't know why. I just feel that i'm not good enough, maybe? Or just feel that it's a stupid idea to even make a youtube. Sigh. Any ideas? ;(

Honestly, i think i'm feeling down. I feel pretty lonely. I miss my friends and they don't know how much i really need them. Is it just me or am i the only one who cares deeply? Ive been trying to find time for them, but whenever i ask them, they come up with a million excuses. Yes i understand they have this and that. But have they ever asked me? Noooo. Maybe once, twice but they never really plan(?) And i'm tired of trying already. That's why i seem to be more quiet with them cause i'm really really really tired. Do they bother to ask what's going on? I mean for me i "update myself" by seeing their profiles and sometimes i text/chat with them. But what about me? Everyone else could tell i wasn't okay, but my own friends? What happened to that? I'm tired of making the first move for everything. I don't know what's the point of putting the effort anymore. I just feel like giving up and waiting in silence until i'm really needed. you say you miss me, but do you really? haisssh.

And next, i always wanted a guy to be there for me WHENEVER i'm in need. Right now, i can't assure that that guy who i want it to be can ever be there for me every second i need him. I mean, yes everyone is busy. I get it. But there's just something missing in everything. I'm not saying he doesn't care, there's something missing and it's always holding me back. Maybe that explains why you doubt me. And i'm tired of living my life this way. Maybe it's just my moodswings but i just feel that there's no one out there who is supporting me? I don't know why i care so much. Maybe i'm just being paranoid. Fuck it. I don't think i want to blog much too. See, it's like i want to close down everything. Honestly, i even wanted to close down my blog or go MIA from my blog for awhile. I want my bubbly cheerful self back again. I need it ;( Could someone here me out? Spare a thought for me? I miss everyone. I miss how things used to be, sigh.

2010-07-07T19:47:00.004+08:00

OH MY GEEEE~ I want pink. Oh no, maybe green. Heh! I heard the iphone 4G isn't at all good. Although the camera has HD and they have new buttons at the side and what not, what i heard is that the signal isn't very good. After looking at some comments some people made, it seems that you have to hold it in a certain way to get signal. If not, you can't get signal or something? Well, that sucks. Seee, nothing is perfect. There's always a "bad side" to everything. Haha.

Okay anyway! Hiiiii. I just realised it's not easy having a youtube channel. I keep getting people who can't seem to wait for my next video and i have been keeping them waiting which makes them annoyed :( I mean, i'm only able to do videos during the weekends since i'm busy with school during the weekdays. I mean i am pretty touched that people are looking foward to my next video but sometimes it frustrates me when they don't understand when i ask them to be a bit patient. You know? I'm really trying my best to finish every request given, eventhough i'm not really good at some. Hmmmm. I am truly sorry for the delay and keeping you guys waiting, it's not on purpose. I'll post it up as soon as possible. So do wait, jyeah? ^^v.

Currently abit nervous for tommorow. Since it's my Nlevels oral exams. Had a practise just now in school. I realised even for the "fake" exam i was already nervous, what about the real one mann? I really stumbled on my words a lot and seemed to be rushing through that my words didn't seem clear and i didn't articulate my words properly. I didn't had much things to say about the picture discussion, i just... blanked out and said whatever i wanted to say on the spot. Didn't prepare much. The teacher said i was good and she would give me a high band 2. Aiya, usually i fall on the band one compartment for reading + picture :( my nerves does pull me down. But i guess whatever she told me did help me a little for tommorow! Shall not be nervous ): wish me luck everybody~! :D

For now, i shall go go go go! Blog another time. Toodles :D

2010-07-06T22:33:00.006+08:00

FUCK YOUR LIFE.

I feel very mean and bitchy today. Only someone knows why. You want to know why? Because someone unleashed the bitchyness out of me. HAHAHA. No, i'm serious. You want to know why? Because i'm done being nice. I'm done into giving in. I'm done into pretending to be nice. I'm done being patient. I'm done forgiving. I'm done forgetting. I'm done waiting. I'm done wondering. I'm done with everything. I'm just done with you, bitch. I'm really done. Really done. You think i'm so stupid that you can fool me around like that? Hell no, you don't know who you are messing with. Don't worry, i won't do anything bad. I believe in karma and i know you have done so much bad things not only to me, but others have been a victim too. I'll let karma hit you very bad, oh you are so going to enjoy it (:

Some people say i'm ugly. So what? I really don't care anymore. I'm ugly, yes i'm ugly. But i'm done faking myself. Do you know what i used to do? I used to be a poser, yes i do admit. I used to take pictures of myself and edit it so much that it doesn't even look like me. I don't post a lot of pictures of me. I only used to post self-pictures because i looked "nice" and "pretty" in it. Most of the pictures of me, 80% full of edits. But i realised, that's my past. That was long way ago. And somehow while growing and becoming more matured, I learn to accept the way i am. I was done being a fake, i grew from all that. I wanted to show people the real me, and if you can't accept that that's just your problem. As you can see from my pictures, there are pictures of me which aren't editted at all. Natural. And that's the way it should be.

I don't care if i'm showing the world i'm ugly. I just want to be me, and i'm happy with that. I do appreciate god for my looks. I do appreciate what god has given me. There are some people in this world who are born in a way(youknowwhatimean), and i know i should appreciate what i have before it's gone. i think i have been critised a lot that it has made me such a stronger person. I'm not afraid to show everyone who i am. I am myself, and that's that :) So let's make it clear to everyone, shall we? if you want to critisize me, go ahead. I can't care less anymore.

I'm sorry about this pissy post(?) But really, i just had to get it out. Haha. ^^ Goodnight everyone!

kalau terasa, maaf yeah (:

2010-07-05T20:06:00.002+08:00

I just realised my N'level oral exams are in 3 days! 3 freaking days(!!!) I don't know why i'm freaking out now, but i'm just freaking out! Nlevels, nlevels,nlevels! Bahhhh. Okay actually i'm not as scared since english is kind of easy. Since i speak english most of the time and my prelim orals was superrr good. I don't know what made me so good actually. I thought my strong area was at the conversation but suprsingly my remark was better for reading + picture. Looks like i have to work on my conversation? I think i repeat my points too much.

Whatever it is, i just hope i do AS WELL as how i did in my prelim orals but now that i got really good remarks for my prelim orals, i still can't be too over confident cause it might be different this time round. I must keep my standard! Haha. I don't know how i can do it in front of two teachers i don't even know. TWO OKAY NOT ONE! I don't mind one, cause it makes me feel more comfortable. TWO? Gahhh. And what if it's guys? Lagi worse~ ciihhhh! okay i must stop making myself feel more scared then i'm already am.

So anyway, no school today! Since it's youth day, i think. I asked around if they were free but yeah as usual, no one was free. Grrrr. So i stayed at home instead playing games on facebook as if i have no life -.- Tommorowwwwww is school again. I am lazy. So yeah that's all.

Oh check out my new videos please! Thanks :D

2010-07-03T18:05:00.008+08:00

Be yourself day.

Last friday, our school had be yourself day. All of us could come in home clothes to school. The theme was FIFA world cup or 'your dream' so we had to dress according to the theme. But i didn't really follow the theme though, i just decided to dress as myself like how i normally go out. I took a pretty long time deciding on what to wear the night before because i really had limited clothes and i don't like wearing something that i have worn before. In other words, i don't like to me an outfit repeater. I wanted to wear my sheer leggings, but i didn't want to look so overdressed so in the end after hours of deciding, i wore something that i have worn a thousand times before -.-

Headed to school and i saw people wore shorts. That was when i regretted not wearing shorts. If i knew, i would have worn shorts. Tskkkk! Some people not supporting, where school uniform also have. Haha. Spoil lahhh~ So anyway friday's timetable was really slack so i enjoyed the day at school! Really, it is one of the best day's in school. (Y) During our last period, no teacher turned up for our lesson so we basically had a free period, double (Y) (Y). Our whole class had a photo taking session on our own. We took class pictures and almost everyone was busy camwhoring with their own friends and doing their own things. Amalina and myself made the most nosie and went around disturbing/spoiling other people's pictures! Hahah! For example, while a group of people self-timed their camera, i sneaked at the back of them to join in the picture. And when they see their picture, they go "ehhhhh! wthh!" ahahaha! Funny shit, i tell you.

Ohoh! Amalina and i had a camwhoring session ourself too. And yes, some people disturbed our picture as well. Tskkk! We also took paloriod pictures too, sooo nice! (Y) After school ended, slacked for awhile. Met up with syirah bby! Oh my gawd, i miss her so much. When we saw each other she shouted, "omg sharlene! i miss you so much siaa!" and it was when we were running in the rain -.- Haha. So yeah slacked with all of them until around 4plus then at night had dinner with the whole family at simpang bedokkk. Great food~

Here are the pictures! More pictures up on facebook.

2010-07-02T22:25:00.006+08:00

I would like to dedicate this to someone out there. It's the only way she knows how i feel. As some of you know, i pen down my feelings to cool myself down.

Dear Sitteh/Nisa,
I'm really lost for words to say now. I just don't believe it. All this while, i trusted you. I was there for you. When you were fighting with your boyfriend, when you cried, when you felt down, when you were sad, when you were alone, I tried my best to cheer you up. I couldn't see you sad because i knew how you felt and i didn't like it. I was always there for you, supporting you and giving you advices whenever i could. I really tried my best, didn't you know?

I trusted you with my full heart because you seemed nice. You seemed trustworthy. But, i was wrong. Behind my back, you lied. Behind my back, you said otherwise. I trusted you so much dear nisa. I told you how i felt. I told you my secrets. I told you about me, i told you why i was down and i shared with you my problems. You did try to help, but you weren't sincere with that. In front of me, you acted like an angel. When it comes to behind me? You were so different. It's like i don't even know you at all. I really regretted trusting you, nisa. Maybe i regret even knowing you in the first place. What were all your intention all these while? I really don't understand. All i hear is lies. I just want to know the truth and eventhough it might hurt, it will hurt more when im lying here in confusion not knowing what to think or what to believe even. Truth is better than comfortable lies. And like i said, the truth always comes out in the end like i told you once. I guess i was right about that. It was as if it was such a conincidence you suddenly forgot to ask annonymously and it showed that you were the one who was spamming all these while. You know what i think? I actually sensed this about you recently. I knew you had something against me behind my back but i didn't know why, i just felt it.

I told you that whatever it is i just wanted to hear the truth and i wouldn't be mad at you. You insisted you were telling me the truth. You told me lies. You blamed it all on your own boyfriend. How could you? Then now your boyfriend came up to me and told me a different story. How do you think i feel? Betrayed? Hurt? Lost? Frustrated? Angry? Confused? You said so many bad things about your own boyfriend to me. What do you think if i played this game of your's with you and tell him whatever you said to me? Wouldn't you feel betrayed as well? But you don't have to worry about that now. That's because i'm not a mean person. Im loyal to my friends and i won't just backstab them like that. Unless if i feel bitchy and feel like you deserve it, then i will. So what about all the things you said? So all these while you were the one who was giving me all these spams? My own friend? I really didn't expect it. There's nothing left to say. I can't even type this post properly because i'm so close to crying, yes it does hurts this much. So much about saying "i still love you" huh nisa? Words are just words, nisa. The truth does shows in the end.

After whatever you said, i realised it didn't make sense. After you realised it didn't make sense, you started to avoid me. You think i'll fall for that? For example, deleting your formspring straight away after the incident happenned and saying your boyfriend ask you to. Yeah, right. Maybe you deleted it to avoid the embarrassement. Second, you didn't come online after that. Either you blocked me or deleted me. Thirdly, i realised you deleted me off facebook. If you really didn't do anything, i don't think there should be a reason for you to start avoiding me. You are just running away from the truth, nisa. It just shows everything about you already.

As far as i know, i never done anything wrong to you so i don't understand why you had to break me. Whatever it is, i'm not going to continue typing about this because it's making me cry now. Hope i'll hear the truth from you soon, if that's if you do care for me. Goodbye for now.

People say that there's a reason why your past didn't make it to your present. Im glad i saw your true colours. I'm never going to trust you again. Best of luck between you and your boyfriend. I thought wrongly of your boyfriend because of you. I always thought your boyfriend was the bad one. I guess i was wrong. The bad person was always the one in front of me. Sorry to dinie if i missjudged you. Best of luck you guys, you really need all the luck you have. Cause it seems you guys have been lying to each other and to others too much. It's time to let the truth out, once and for all. Let's end this. This time, it's a real goodbye. xx

Quick update.

2010-06-29T16:34:00.002+08:00

Wazzzzzuuuuppppp everybodehhhh~

Posting up new vidoes now since most people have been complaining to me saying that they can't wait anymore! I'm sorry for the delay of my videos. But i'm seriously trying my best to post new videos. So i found some old videos in my webcam and just post it up. I have this special video that i posted up, super embarrassing but it was a request. So do go visit my youtube if you want to know what it is. I'm sorry again! ^^

First day of school was alright. New air-cons in our classroom! I didn't really feel much difference though, only felt cool air around me but the weather was still as hot as ever. Made me feel so moodless, sigh. I have tons of homework to be done. So i guess i won't be online-ing later on at night? Unless my tuition is cancelled then maybe i do have time. I wish i had so much time, grrrr. So yeaaaaah. I shall blog more tommorow then? I have nothing to say. Goodbye everyone!

Still in the holiday mood.

2010-06-28T16:09:00.003+08:00

Shitloads of homework to be done.

So heyyy. While everyone is out at school for their first day. All SAC students are enjoying one more extra day of holidays. Well, not exactly. That's because i'm suffering here trying to finish up my online homework. And yes if you figured, i'm having e-learning day today that is why we don't have school. I was actually happy that we have this e-learning day today but to think of it, i rather head to school instead of recieving homework to be done even before school starts. I have maths, bio, social studies, english and as well as physics quiz.

My progess so far? I have only done my physics. Amazing huh. I can't start with my bio as i don't have powerpoint in my laptop. I only have powerpoint viewer -.- So i don't know how i'm supposed to do my homework. Then, i'll have to print my maths then i'll start doing it. For english, i can't be bothered to look through the lesson, sighs. And to add to all of these, i have to hand up everything by tommorow except for ss since there isn't ss tommorow. And to add even more, i have extra maths tuition homework to be done by tommorow as well. So how? Relax only~ HAHAHAHHA.

I think i shall start with my bio homework and find a way to do it on a powerpoint ): when i don't have powerpoint installed in my laptop. Yes please don't ask me why it isn't installed. Haha. For now, i think i shall just view my english lessons and jyeah see if i'll do the rest or not. Heeeee. Happy schooling everybody. Iamsonotpreparedfortommorow. Tommorow is when my misery starts. K thanks bye ;D

it's been awhile and i don't think it would ever work out anymore. maybe it's too late.

2010-06-27T17:27:00.006+08:00

Birthday suprise = COMPLETE SUCESS!

Since the birthday girl couldn't go out of her house, we decided to give her a suprise at her house instead! All my idea, woooohoo. Shauna and I met up at around my place around 12pm to go get the birthday girl a cake around my place. So after looking around at the cake shops, we decided to get the best looking one. After getting the cake, we bought a lighter. Then bussed down to bedok then took the bus to farah's house. We had the help of Nadia for this suprise, all thanks to her. Shauna & I got scared in the bus becuase we were afraid we would get lost, haha! But we didn't, thank god.

So when we reached her place, we went to the wrong block at first and thank god i checked nadia's message to double check. Haha! Then we went to the right block and we started to feel so damn nervous until when we were in the lift, i told shauna 'k, in 3 seconds we shout in the lift k. 3,2,1 ahhhhh!' Supper hilarous. Haha. We secretly set up the cake outside farah's door step and once we were done, we asked nadia to ask farah to open the door. While shauna was outside, i hide behind the wall with the cake in my hands. When she opened the door she shouted, "B!" with her high pitched voice then i slowly appeared with the cake and we sang a birthday song for her. Awwww, boy was she speechless!

So we were invited into her house. Then it was cutting the cake time! She didn't want to take much pictures as you know, she was still looking messy in her home clothes. Haha. After that, we watched she's out of my leauge and that show is super funny. I bet if it's showing in singapore, they would cut out a lot of parts, i tell ya. Hah. So we talked, chit chatted, ate alot and yeah i had fun. So yayyyy, the suprise was a sucess!

Pictures:

2010-06-25T23:16:00.007+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BABYGIRL.

The clock now strikes 12am, and so i'm here to wish you a very happy birthday dereast girl! Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to farah. Happy birthday to you! Woooot! So you are 16 already aye? That's good cause now you can enjoy going into NC16 movies while the rest & i have to wait just a few more moths. How saaad. Haha. I know you are not very excited for your birthday but i can't tell you how excited i am and i don't know why! Whenever it comes to my friend's birthday, i'm always excited for them and whatnot. I always try to make their birthday's a very special one, like an outing with them or even a suprise. But i'm sorry i couldn't do that for you. Well, actually i'm not sorry since it's not my fault heh! Since you are going out with your family, i hope you will have fun with them. Hope your celebration with them will be a good and enjoyable one!

Dear farah, although we only became closer this year, i'm still very grateful to have a friend like you. I never once came across someone who is as extremely nice as you. You are what i call a true friend. You are always there for me through thick and thin. You always had to listen to my complains and crying but yet you didn't complain back. You were always there to pick up my calls when i was in need for help and you surely put a smile on my face whenever i started crying over the phone. You were always there for me to give me advices and you guided me along the way. I tell you almost every secret about me and never once have i heard my secret from someone else. That means, you are a trustworthy friend as well. Somehow i regret not being close to you earlier, but it's okay as long as i already have you as a friend in my life. You do make a huge impact in my life, and thank you so much for that.

Remember the first time we hanged out just the two of us? When you said you thought it would be weird? Do you remember? Cause i did. And remember it went out so well? I started telling you a whole lot about me and we even cried tears of joy and laughed like nobody's business. Scared each other during the night -.- Haha. I have never laughed that much until that day. I love that day because that's where we started to realise we do click like a lot! We have so much in common, right babe? For example, whatever i'm thinking, you are thinking of it too. Whatever you are thinking, i'm thinking of it too. Then whenever you say something i would be 'i wanted to say that too!' And we even say the same thing at the very same time. Gets freaky at times but i always have a good laugh when it happenes. It's as if we don't even need to talk to communicate. We can just read each other's mind instantly. That's bestfriends :)

Do you remember how we always like to act possesed to others and some might just ignore us or some even got scared? Oh mann, i miss those times. Freaking hilarous. Remember during chingay when we were both so super hyper and checking out hot guys? Even shouting and melting at the same time. 'eh farah, hot guy! check it out!' Haha, oh how i miss chingay. Remember during dance cca photoshoots we always stand beside each other? But this year we got seperated and did you remember how upset we were and how frustrated we got over that camera lady for seperating us? Haha, hilarious. And remember the times and days when we always hang out at whatever b? And have so much memories left out there? Miss our bubbletea sessions and gossiping. And do you remember we hanged out at the playground and talking about how much we click? There wasn't even a silence when i'm with you. It's like as if we could just sit down and chit-chat for 24 hours and with non-stop conversations. We have some much memories together as good friends and there's no doubt i will ever forget all those memories we shared. I will never forget you either.

I swear you don't know how thankful i am to have you as a friend, farah. Thank god for creating such a great girl like you. I haven't been seeing you for awhile and of course i do miss you. I miss having our hyper times when going out with you and having our freaky moments when we say the same thing at the same time and laughing our ass off. It's true i always have fun when i'm with you. That's because you are exactly like me, just as if my twin sister. You are one person who really gets me. I don't even have to say anything, you know what i'm thinking. Wonderful! (Y)

You are a friend, not just a friend. A good friend, not just a good friend. A great friend, not just a great friend. A awesome friend, not just an awesome friend. But you are my friend and i treasure you very much. If you are down, i'm down too. When you are up, im up too. (lol.) Thinking of how much fun we always have together makes me smile. If only i could video record everything and look back. But sadly, it didn't. Only pictures captured the moment before it was gone. But it's not gone forever, because those memories will always be in my mind and heart. Trust me, i'll treasure it forever.

So on this very special day, i promise i'll make it special to you. Remember i told you, 'when you have a friend like me, your birthday will always be a great one.' I want to make this birthday of your's a memorable one. Something you will never forget. Also, a gift to you to thank you for being such a great friend to me. So to end this post, i just would like to say i hope this year will be your best sweet sixteen. Last but not least, i love you truly and forever. I'm always here for you whenever you need me, just like how you are here for me everytime. Good luck in everything you do, and god bless. Hugs!

Love,
Anna (:

I want to run, smash into you.

2010-06-24T17:57:00.008+08:00

Guess what? I just have to pen something down. I'm sorry.

I really can't believe what i just saw. Really? Hmm. Whatever happened to 'everything'. Every single time something came up, i stood up for you. No matter how much they tried to say bad things about you, i said otherwise. No matter how many times they said aweful stuff, i said otherwise. I tried convincing them you are not what they think you are. But when it came to me, yes right when it came to me, you had nothing to say. nothing at all. It's as if you are 'agreeing' to whatever they have said. And even THANK them for telling you that. I know you were being nice, but being nice to someone you don't even know? You even said, 'it all makes sense now.' What are you trying to say? That whatever they said about me is true? So you belive some fucking bitch who you don't even know who instead of someone you WERE supposed to trust after knowing me all these while. Oh wait, i forgot you don't trust me anymore. You don't even need me anymore. You seek for someone else to be there for you when you need someone when i was willing to be the one who could save you from anything. I don't feel special anymore, i feel like i could be replaced by someone else so easily. That makes me feel as if i'm not safe anymore.

Remember the point when 'something happened'? I told you the truth instead of keeping it. You told me to go. But do you want to know something? I have never did. I told you i wanted to make a decision. And do you know my decision was you all these while? Are you blind? Haven't i not showed you it has been you you you you all these while? Sometimes i really feel like i'm crazy. Because i have been trying to proove to you something which isn't even clear in your eyes, at all. People say you hurt me many times, yeah honestly you did. I'm sensitive and i can't help it. But i knew it was never your intention to hurt me, you don't want to see me hurt either. I told them, it doesn't matter. The pain and the hurt only lasted for awhile. It was temporary because afterall i knew you made me happy.

I know you might have said you have lost your trust in me along the way but to me, i think you have never trusted me right from the start. Look how much i trusted you? Eventhough you started with your A and your something else, i still kept quiet. I admitted to you i got jealous. It's not easy telling you that, did you know? I kept quiet everytime i felt hurt by just something small you do. I kept quiet, i kept quiet. I kept quiet until i got over the feeling. That's because i wanted to refrain from fighting with you. Remember you said i have been quiet these days? Because i got tired of trying. Trying to get your attention. Why do i want your attention so much? I'm not attention seeker, it's just that i want you to listen. FINALLY LISTEN. But you never did, never will. That's why you don't seem to trust me because you don't know what i have been doing all these while, whatever i have been going through all these while. You don't have the time to listen. Where were you when i needed you? I'm not like you, i'm not strong. I'm weak. Have i fallen too deep? I don't know, it's just that whatever you have said just made me think you agreed to them. You didn't stand up for me, either. But it's okay, you don't have to now. Because yeah, i'm a bad person. But i have never once had an intention to use you. Never. Why can't you just believe me, just for once? Once is all i'm asking for, is that too much to ask?

If i don't understand you, please make me do. Please try to make me understand. You know what's wrong? We hide too much and you expect me to think for myself. Saying 'go figure'. I'm not a mind reader. Please, if there is something wrong i would wish to know. I'm sorry if i'm adressing this to you here but i guess it's the only way to reach you since you... nevermind. i just need to pen down my thoughts, it's the only way to make me feel more calm. But from now on, whatever it is. It's up to who you want to trust and believe. I'm getting tired of trying. And maybe, just maybe i should run. Run far away from here. Not too far, so that i could still be close to you. Run somewhere, hoping you would chase me. Hoping you'll know where to find me. But would you? Sigh. Well for now, Goodbye.

ps:/ you made it seem like i was the bad person.
xx

2010-06-23T23:17:00.005+08:00

Can anybody explain why do i keep falling alseep late at night like about 4am and then waking up an hour later at 5am, and i can't go back to sleep after that even after hours and hours of trying? It happened three times recently. Just like last night. I got on the bed at around either 2am or 3am and only fell asleep at 4am. The weird thing is, every night i would automatically wake up at 5am sharp and that's when things start to play in my head. I don't even know what it is, but it's the exact same thing that has been playing in my head for the past three days. It played from 5am to 8am. That's 3 hours. So techinally, i only had one hour of sleep since i had to wake up at 8am for tuition. But thank god for my tuition teacher for cancelling my tuition so i had more time to sleep! Got up in the late afternoon, phew~

Plans were cancelled with bestfriend today. Yeah, i'm used to that though. But i'm tired trying to spend more time with my friends if they just don't want to put the effort anymore. I'm tired of asking people out, you know? Tired of planning everything, you know? So from now on, i'm just going to sit down and wait until someone finally ask me out FIRST. *sighs* This is why i feel so lonely during this whole month of holidays. I've been ditched pretty a lot, just so you know. But i gave in since 'people' had their reasons and i was being understanding. But can't just someone spare a thought for me, just for once? Hmmmm. I just wasted one month of holidays and it's already coming to an end, and yet i'm going to sit at home the whole last week. Thanks, (:

Okay sorry for my pissy-ness! Anyway, since i've been getting a lot of request and suggestions lately and since i have nothing to do at home, i might start doing it soon! Speaking of which, i have just added one more video since people have been telling me they are tired of waiting. Patience people, patience! I don't have the time in the world to make videos everyday ya know. Haha. I think at least i'll post one video per week? I'll see if i have more time to do more. Espcially when school re-opens, it might be hard to find time to do some videos. Grrrr. But i'll squeeze in and find time. I'm nice to my viewers right? Hahahah ^^.

Go check my new videos if you haven't. And for now, i'm going to go! Since i have nothing else to blog about. I shall blog more tommorow! Goodnight everyone.

2010-06-22T19:47:00.003+08:00

GREAT! Last week of holidays and i have already spend two days straight sitting at home. Someone bring me out please? I always have to ask first, no fair no fair no fair. Ah damn, i just realised i have tuition in the morning and i haven't done shit loads of my homework yet. Yeh, thanks mum for asking her to give me more homework (!!!) FML.

I'm seriously very bored right now. I'm too lazy to do maths at night. Sheesh. Why why tell me why am i so lazy. Can i stop being lazy? I need to buck up, fuck itttttttttt. Grrrrr. Kay im so pissed now, idk why. HAHA. I shall stop blogging nowww. bye!

2010-06-21T18:31:00.005+08:00

"It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but it is never gone."

Today is another day rotting at home, best~ I feel like following my sister & mum to IKEA tommorow just for the sake of getting out of this house because it's so boring out here at home. All i do is use the laptop, eat, sleep, talk, rot. Boringggg~ Holidays are already ending. Pretty fast how one month can pass that fast aye? It means one month less to N'levels and im still relax-relax, hahaha! This week is the last week of meet-ups. Wednesday & Thursday, maybe meeting bestfriend. Friday, maybe going out to get someone something. Cannot say here, later she see. Haha! Then ummm the rest of the days, i'm not sure. Farah's birthday is this saturday! :0

So, i've been getting request/suggestions from a few people on what i should do for my next video recently. And mostly they requested for either a DANCE or SING. hahaha! Honestly, i can't sing. I can't reach certain notes but i'm trying to find a song that it's easy to sing. I have one song in mind, but i'm not going to say it yet cause' that will only spoil the suprise. I'm just going to try it out(soon), and if it's either too embarrassing or it didn't work out, then i won't post it up. About the dancing thing, i'll find someone who is willing to dance along with me. I'm not going to dance alone! Haha! Espcially if someone has to video tape for me, too much, too much! So yeah. Give me something easier and less embarrassing to do please? Like a topic for me to talk about. Or what do you want to know about me, so i can say it on my next video. Cause' that would be much easier. Do send me your request or suggestions! On my formspring/tagboard ^.^

I'm actually stuck on what to say right now. This only happens on rare times when i'm blogging. I don't know. When i blog, i just blog whatever that comes to my mind and i seldom become blank! But now i am! Haha. Okay, ummm. I'll guess i shall go nowwww. I am hungry mungry! xD Goodbye lovelies~

Thanks everyone for supporting my youtube. I honestly didn't think anyone would 'love' to watch my videos and i didn't think anyone would give me their suggestions. Im touched, really. So keep watching and i'll try my very best to do some of your request! Thanks again, everyone. I love each and everyone of you, very much :D

2010-06-20T14:50:00.008+08:00

MOVING ON.

from the start, you know i wanted you. but you never listened. never did, never will.

Hola bitches! Heh. Okay, so i'll be having tuition in 30 minutes time! Just finished up my tution homework which some i just gave up cause i didn't know how to do or either i was lazy to figure out, lol. But at least i tried! I'm so lazy to have tution today, knowing that it's two hours of maths! Grrrr.

Anyway, happy father's day to all father's out there! My sisters baked a browine yesterday night. Actually, i didn't help them out because they didn't tell me their 'fathers day' plan so i didn't know they were baking that brownie for daddy and they didn't ask for my help, so i ignored. Lol. But i only chipped in money. The brownie was great! It taste really nice. Even daddy likes it, hahaha. The brownie had the 'happy birthday' thingy on top. So when daddy came out of the toilet we sang a happy birthday song instead of the father's day song, so we kindda tricked him but his 'blurness' was only for awhile since he knew it was father's day by reading the newspaper. No fun ah!

Oh yeah, i had really bad nightmares last night. Somewhat what im going through now. I was crying in my dream and i got in the morning with tears in my eye without knowing. Hmmmm. There was so much shouting involved, sigh. So yeah, i shall go get ready for my tuition and i'll blog once i'm done(maybe). Goodbye!

thanks babe for helping me out yesterday night eventhough i was going crazy last night. from crying, to laughing suddenly for no reason haha! but thanks, i love you for always being there for me. for now, i shall forget.

2010-06-19T19:15:00.005+08:00

Feeling very miserable right now. I was fine, actually. Very fine. Got up in the morning, feeling very happy. But now.... urgh. Don't you just hate when someone ruins your mood just because they are 'not in the mood' either? I mean, im trying to know what's wrong here. So that i could cheer you up but all you do is saying you are okay, when it doesn't seems like it at all. I think i should stop giving hopes on this anymore, it's starting to hurt me. No more high hopes, no false hopes.

So i slept pretty late last night, at about 5am? I stayed up late with someone and even after i went offline, i couldn't sleep straight away. Eventho' i slept pretty late, i was still suprised i could still be very awake today. I thought i would wake up very late in the afternoon, but suprisingly i woke up at 1pm! Not bad, really. Haha. So i didn't go out today eventhough it's a saturday, everyone is out. I don't have plans, hmmm. Basically rotted at home, like i always do on every other days. Sick of my boring life, FML. Oh wait, i have no life ):

I think i have been feeling down/angry/sad/pissed off easily due to my PMS. I hate it when i have it. It's really damn bad. So please, don't annoy me at this certain time of the month. I might just.. hmm. You know. Anyway, i have posted new videos on my youtube. Really stupid one's. I was hyper, just saying. So yeah do check it out. For now, i better go. Chow~

You know what, i really do miss you. I really hate it when you were so fine and suddenly your mood just goes down and you think i can't tell so? I always sense your not okay, but you act like you do. Why? I just want to know what's bothering you, what's wrong with you. My heart always breaks whenever you are like that, didn't you know? I miss your laughter, i miss having long talks with you. But now it seems.. different. We got nothing to talk about, why? I mean, i tried. I really did. But sometimes i get short replies from you. How am i going to answer to that? You always ask me to talk, yes i do. I tried, i tried, i tried. So many times? Is it not enough, to you? I'm sorry if your acting this way if it was of something i did or say. But please, if your not okay please tell me what's wrong because i don't just want to know. I need to know. It doesn't feel right when you are not okay and i don't even know why. You are my friend, my close friend. Of course i care. So please, i need you. I really do. Be here for me, and i'll be here for you too. Im here, always been. Never going, i've been here. Please, i miss you dear friend.

2010-06-18T19:53:00.009+08:00

Caught the movie Karate Kid with dearest shauna and hazirah yesterday. One word- awesome. I found two other people wearing the same vest as me. Standard, cotton on. So common. I don't want to shop there anymore. Grrrzx. I did pretty a lot of crazy stuffs that day, as usual. I dared myself to video tape myself in the middle of the big crowd. And yes, i did. I held my camera and started talking to myself on the camera. People started staring at me 0.o Another thing i did was while crossing the road, i pointed to the sky and said 'omg what is that?!' everyone turned, classic reactions. LOL. Anyway, they both left early for their own reasons so i went home alone.

I don't want to eleborate anymore because i don't have the mood to blog today actually. So let the pictures do the talking. Videos up on youtbe, soon. Goodbye.

2010-06-17T11:32:00.004+08:00

Thanks everyone who commented or stated your opinion based on my previous blog post through my formspring. It's quite interesting to know about other people's views. Some were totally different from mine, some agreed with me and i got a bit confused trying to understand how other's see things. Simply said, everyone has their own perception and each and everyone of us see things in a different way. So yeah, thanks to those who stated their opinion eventhough it made my head spin for a moment. As you can see, i'm not that good in debating back so i couldn't get my points straight and i found out a struggle trying to explain what my previous blog post actually really means. But whatever it is, some of you get it. Heh :>

So it's 11.30am in the morning and i'm awake! Wondering why i'm up so early? It's because I have just ended my tuition. Yeah, early as 8am i woke up just for tuition. Tuition was pretty productive although i was already falling alseep at the last hour but i re-gained myself, huhu. Today is thursday and i might be going out with shauna to catch the movie karate kid! I have been wanting to watch that show since i heard everyone says it is awesumz! (Y) i have already planned my outfit, (so semangat) but i haven't even asked my mum if i can go out yet, HEHE. Hopefully she'll let me or i'll just get naggings on how much i haven't studied, loooool. I feel like just going somewhere near, like tamp? Singapore is really boring nowadays. Not even town. And yeahhh, its flooded there anyways. Haha! Oh oh oh, if im going out i would take some videos since some of you have been requesting (non-stop) that you want me to post more vidoes soon! Yeah sorry i haven't been posting new videos, it's because i haven't made new one's yet since i don't have the time. i don't even know what should my next vlog topic be about. any suggestions please? I'll do anything, if you request on my next video. So do tell me your request/suggestions on my tagboard or either formpsring :D

One minute we are complaining on how hot the weather is in singapore and the next minute, a part of singapore is flooded. I didn't expect that. Instead, i didn't even know it rained that much because i was busy having my beauty sleep until late afternoon and when i woke up, it already stopped rainning. Lol. ^^v. Okay, i shall blog when i get back (?) If that is i'm going out. See you guys :D Im in a good mood today, hola bitches!

2010-06-16T16:05:00.003+08:00

Today, i want to blog about something else. On a certain topic and that topic is: being pretty.The picture above is also part on what i want to blog about heh. Just keep on reading to know what i mean.

Anyway, don't you guys just hate the fact how people keep on commenting on your looks? Giving you all these spams saying 'you are ugly, fat, disgusting, nothing special' and whatnot? Not just that, but they do it anonymously? So if you are saying to someone she is ugly, are you trying to say you are perfect now? What's the point of telling someone that when you are afraid to show who you really are to the person? Why, scared? If you are going to insult someone's looks or features, you are actually insulting god's creation. Seriously.

To me, every girl is pretty in their own special way. But i'll never call a girl pretty if she has a black heart. Why should a girl be called 'pretty' when she has a heart of stone? Sure she can look so hot to others, but what if she's so cruel and mean in the inside? What's the point of having a pretty face when in the inside, you are just plain ugly. I think it's what it's the inside that matters the most. Would a guy want a girl who looks so beautiful but with such a cold heart? No right? People have to accept others for who they are and not for who they are trying to be. For me, i'm not fake. I am who i am and i don't need to please others because i like what i do, i be myself and if you can't accept who im really am, then it's just your loss for it.

Now, talking about natural beauty. For myself, i do go out with make-up. Not because i want to look good for others and whatever but it's just simply im the type of person who loves to put on make-up and dress up. Call me vain, that's who i am. I even dream of being a make-up artist, but i know i can never be one because i haven't really learn on the skills on putting on make-up and whatnot. There are times when im simply too lazy to go out with make-up. I can even go out meeting my boyfriend(at that time), without make-up. And even he said (at that point of time), i look the same with or without make up. There was this time, my hair wasn't even straightened, (yes my hair is curly, v.v curly), and i didn't had a single make up on except for a bit of powder and yet he didn't even care how i looked. He didn't even walked beside me in embarassment. Instead, he still accepted me for who i am. I know this sounds so... (fill in the blanks) but im just using this as an example. What im trying to say is, if someone really loves you, then you don't have to worry about dressing up and putting on tons of make up just to look good for the person. If someone really loves you, he/she would love you eventhough you look good or bad. They would accept you for who you already are and that's just the way it should be.

There have been people saying im ugly not pretty etc etc etc but they don't dare to show themseleves. Where you at? Yes i know im nothing beautiful to anyone, but i don't really care because i am myself. I don't want to be the most beautiful girl in the universe because i gain nothing from just being that. I rather be myself and get accepted for it than to be someone who puts on tons of make up, go for plastic surgery and botox and dress up just to impress and be accepted for who i'm not. Do you think that is right? Definitely, not. Okay i may not be pretty and i get your point, but at least i don't go around critising others about their looks. I don't go aroun telling others how ugly they look and whatnot. Look, everyone has their flaws. Even i do. That's how god created us to be. He wants us to accept who we really are. (okay, i know i have been repeating this point over and over again.) But that's what im really trying to say.

If you want to tell someone he/she is ugly, then please don't be a coward. Stand up, go to the person straight to the face and tell him/her. Because really, hating someone else won't make you any prettier either. You are just creating a even more bad impression on yourself. Hate won;'t get you anywhere. Beauty won't get you far. What matters the most is, what your heart says. (:

Lastly, i would like to thank all those unknown spammers saying bad stuffs on me. Espicially based on my looks. Without you guys, i wouldn't learned my lesson. I wouldn't be strong. And thanks to you guys, i have made a very useful and yet meaningful blog post. Thank you so much for all the attention and concern and all the entertainment you gave me. I love each and everyone of you and i hope this post has helped someone in any way. Stay strong, girls (;

and to all of you, what is being pretty like to you guys? :D

having a good heart or nothing else than just a pretty face? :)

2010-06-15T23:34:00.007+08:00

continue being like this and you know you will never capture my heart. maybe you did. but i realised it's only for a day or two. when are you going to fucking change? oh yeah wait, no one could change your hot tempered-ness. But the least you could do is control it just to treat me right, will you? Continue to treat me like these and you'll say goodbye to the i-have-been-a-nice-girl-to-you. Yeah, im back to my old ways now. Show me attitude, i show you twice of your's. Show me your ego, i'll show you mine. I can be a bitch, so please don't be a jerk. And look, you never understood. you said i changed, you said im not me. Yes, i did and it's only because of you. It's not that i changed, im just showing you what you have 'showed' me. Whatever you did to me, i did it back to you. How do you love me now? If you hate the way i treat you, then you should know i twice-hate the way you treat me now. Cause im doing exactly what you have being doing all these while- SHOWING YOUR EGO. Love is such a game ;)

Went out today with my mum & sister. Caught the movie Shrek. This time, shrek wasn't that funny and the ending is predicatble... as always. Why can't a fairytale have a unexpected ending? Oh wait, then it wouldn't be a fairytale. Silly me. -.- Anyways, after that we had lunch and that was when i felt a little uncomfortable. My tummy felt weird and then cramps came and that was when i knew it was 'the time of the month.' what a bummer, seriously. We bought a lot of VCD's, so i guess it's movie marathon soon! Mummy spend about over 200 bucks on me today, because of something something. Haha, But it's for a good thing though. Hopefully it will work, insyallah.

At the moment, feeling abit pissed. Feeling the pissy-ness now. Hmmppph. Moodswings! Okay i shall end it here, goodbye. xx

tell me why am i still holding on eventhough i don't feel like staying around?

2010-06-14T20:39:00.005+08:00

I feel so down today.

I just feel that there's too much going on these days. My feelings and decision just keeps on changing. Please, all i need is for you to trust me and that's all i need. Without your trust, I won't feel safe anymore. I feel like im trapped in this cage, trying to get out but im just stuck. Hmmm.

Okay anyway, stracth that thought. I didn't do anything today. Yes, i stayed at home the whole day. I really needed that because i wanted to catch up on my sleep and some rest. Since ive been sleeping late and waking up early in the morning and the routine continues. So i bascially rotted at home today but thank god there was my favourite hot boys show! Heee ^.^ Big time rush!

At least tommorow won't be so bad. I'll be heading out with my dereast mummy and sister is tagging along too i think. We will be watching the movie, Shrek! Been waiting to watch it. I decided to ask mummy out since i have nothing to do tommorow and i feel that i haven't been going out with my mum for a long time and i have always rejected her for my friends lately. Haha. Such a bad girl. So i shall spend some time with her tommorow. Hopefully she will spend her money on me on shopping! Got advantage, heh heh heh. *evil laughter*

So im left with two weeks of holidays since my two other weeks of holidays has been taken up by school. Wow, great -.- I better spend it wisely. Fasterrr, meet ups! :D I think i should spend less time on my laptop since it's not really good. Computer = radiation. And radiation = not good for my health. And speaking of health, my health is just getting worse. Been tired a lot these days and yes, according to my professor.... im getting more sick. Hmmmm. I have to start to take care of myself more. My health isn't improving at all, it's getting worst. I need to stop using my laptop too much and sleep early. But i can't, im addicted and my body is used to sleeping late ):

I need to start studying. At this rate im going, i have to say goodbye to sec 5. Goodnight now.

2010-06-13T21:08:00.004+08:00

Who wants to go on an ice-cream date with me?!

Thanks to someone, im now craving for ice-cream. Oh dayummm! Anyway, sorry for the lack of updates. Been pretty busy these three days because my cousin's wedding is held at my house and yeah we had to prepare and clean our house and whatnot. So yeahh, the wedding was really fun though, eventhough i got bored at certain times, heh. I just realised my cousin and her new husband really suit each other. Like so sweet okay! ^.^ All the best for herrr (:

Anyway, i only have a few pictures because i was in the lazy mood to take pictures but i did take some videos so i'll be making this special editted video about malay weddings. Haha. Im going to take a few short clips of what i have recored and briefly describe it. It sounds pretty boring to me but heckkkk, im still gonna do it anyway!

currently down with a flu, because im sleepy/tired/exhausted. Finally can catch up on my sleep tommorow! Im very lazy and too tired to blog today so i shall blog normally again on another day. Maybe tommorow? Okay, goodnight now. xx

2010-06-10T22:23:00.020+08:00

Met Erma bby today. Met up at city hall around 2.30pm++ since i was late. haha! Trained to dhoby gaut after that then went to plaza singapura. Had our lunch at long john's silver. After having our lunch, shopped around abit. Went into cotton on, saw nothing interesting. Then walked around abit then we shopped around the whole of orchard. Shops into shops and shops again. Haha. Then we headed to wisma. Went into cotton on again. Saw my cousin working there and he told me i could get 30% discount for regular items, but sadly i didn't get any regular items, only sale items which is a vest! Yay!

Then we headed to skate park to hang out for awhile. We went there for photography, so please don't get the wrong idea -.-Took pictures, talked, chatted, laughed. Standard. We also made a video together, so that's for my youtube. I know alot of people say they like my videos with my friends, so i decided to make a new one. I had a very crazy idea on doing this certain type of video but in the end we were too scared. Haha. After that we headed to do more shopping since my pumps broke -.- So i got new shoes from new look that cost me almost 35 bucks, but it's worth it because i really like it :D

Left the place around 8++. Now im here. Sorry for the lack of 'elaboration', im to lazy to blog actually. Just let the pictures do the talking. Vidoes will be up on youtube! http://www.youtube.com/annadollyy

Pictures:

2010-06-10T11:24:00.007+08:00

I don't feel like what i did was right. Yes, ive made my decision but im still unsure. I don't know if this is right. I know people would start talking, and definitely there will be hate comments, people talking bullshit about me but that's okay because im used to it already. If i were them, i would have think i was a fool too. But no one would fully understand my situation now, that is why im making a choice. I know ive caused hurt, but either way im just hurting myself too. You should know i hate hurting others. I just can't stand the feeling. I wished things were different, but i guess it's too late to go back into time. What happened, it did and i can't look back now. Because now you .... made me wonder. Im doing this for myself, to get back to who i was. To change. I need some time to be alone. Just alone. Im loosing myself.

Im meeting Erma today! Instead of tommorow, heh. Thank god plans changed to today because i can't make it on friday. Gonna be busy this whole weekend. I can't wait because it's been like months since we last saw each other. Can't wait to catch up. I think we are going to have a picnic at marina barrage. Not sure. I have no idea what to wear! Hellpppp?

Had last day of school today and i turned up. HAHA right! I bascially turned up just to do my test. I didn't even studied much so i went to school earlier to do some last minute flipping of my textbook. haha. Put some information into my head. Then some girl kept on talking to me and i couldn't even study! Waliao. Heh. I think i did really badly for the test, i really didn't know how to do it. But it's okay, at least i tried. After that was english. You know what i did for the lesson? I started cutting my hair .___. HAHAHAHAH! im serious. I got so bored i took out my mirror and did some cutting on my fringe. I made it shorter and thinner now. Yayzzz. (Y) After that i headed home. So now im here!

Okay, shall blog once i get back. Massive pictures & videos uploading later on. Ciao!

SCHOOL'S OUT! (LIKE, FO REAL'.)

2010-06-08T19:25:00.007+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY DEAREST!

Dear mummy, on this very special day of your's i would like to wish you a very happy birthday! You still look like you are 30 eventhough your age doesn't say so! Haha. Anyway, i know im such a pain in the ass sometimes but thank you for everything you have done for me. For all your sufferings and your sacrifices you made for me. Im sorry i didn't get you anything for your birthday but i hope spending my time with you on this very special day of your's was good enough for you. Please don't grow old too fast, i don't want you to be old and leave me all alone. Haha. And mummy, you should know that i love you very much. I really hope you enjoyed your day today! I shall make your birthday next year more special, alright? I love you!

This is just going to be a short description on my day today then i shall let the pictures do the talking. So didn't attend school today since it was my mum's birthday. Had lunch at downtown east with mummy and my eldest sister. We had our lunch at 'hei sushi.' I love that place because i love sushi. Finally satisfied my cravings for sushi. Food was great! (Y) After having our lunch, we walked around and did some shopping. I got myself new sendals, yay. Downtown didn't had much interesting shops, so we bussed to the nearest place which was whitesands. First thing we did was to enter COTTON ON! I got two new pairs of shorts. I wanted to get this jacket but it cost 50 bucks -.- pffft. After that, walked abit more then headed home around 4pm+++. Nowwww, im here! Will be heading out to simpang bedok with famila for dinner later.

Let the pictures do the talking! More pictures on facebook(soon.) Goodbye.

Pictures:

youtube link is out!

2010-06-07T22:48:00.007+08:00

Had such a awesome day today! (Y)

I really loved today, honestly. So didn't attend school today(yes, that's the best part of everything) and i found out only 8 person turned up for school, LOL. It's always when i decide not to go, what a concidence only 8 people turn up. haha. Didn't expect it though. So yeap, met up with bestfriend instead. So much fun okay! :D It's like the best moments ive spend with my bestfriend after so long we didn't had a real outing. Haha. woooot ^.^

Thanks bestfr for the treat and paying for my bus fare and whatnot. I feel kind of guilty cause you paid for everything today. I felt kind of broke too? But it made me feel special somehow since you were willing to pay everything for me. Haha. Next time will be my treat, don't worry. I like treating people, feels goooood. So yeah, i had the chance to spend time with my bestfriend for about 6 hours. About 4++, i headed home. Thanks for the great day and meet soon again!

Was watching MTV Movie Awards earlier on, and im upset that my husband, Taylor Lautner didn't win the award! Instead Robert won, ahhh predictable .__. I was hoping he would win! Ahhh, so hot please. I melted like thousand of times looking at all the hot guys on MTV. huhu. Then i watched the show Unborn on HBO. I shouted once. Haha. Shocking please. Actually, it's not really that scray i should say. It's just abit confusing to me. I don't really get the story behind it? Haaaaaa~

Tommorow is my mother's birthday so maybe im not going school? I don't know, im begging my mum not to bring me to school. HAHAHA. Im lazy and i lost my interested already, what to dooooo. Oh speaking of my mum's birthday, i honestly forgot about it until today. I feel so guilty for not getting her anything ): hmmmmmm.

Im getting free food tommorow. YAY ME! Do i sound piggy? Oh no, im becoming like Dan ): Haha. OKAY BYE.

OH AND LASTLY,

http://www.youtube.com/annadollyy

there you go! my youtube link. Only have a few videos, but yap. Uploading more soon. Comment/rate/like/favourite/subscribe if you want to. Would appreciate it, a lot. Thanks ^^.

2010-06-06T18:34:00.004+08:00

http://killyourbarbiedollz.tumblr.com

http://ourdeadlylullaby.tumblr.com

The first one is my very own tumblr. I had it for quite awhile just didn't give out my link until i got used to tumblr. I haven't posted alot yet and neither have I followed anyone yet oh and no one has followed me yet (-.-) so i would appreciate if you start following me? *inserts puppy dog face here*. For the second link, that's me&dan's tumblr. It was his idea to create a tumblr that we both share so yeap. We just created it so ive been the one posting lately since Dan hasn't got the hang of tumblr yet (-.-) Super slow. Heh. So yeah, do check it out alright! Sorry if the skin/theme is not really that nice as other people's tumblr (-.-) Im still not sure how to edit it and whatnot. So pardon me for the ugly skin and blahblah. Do follow us, if you wanna. We don't mind if you don't want to, anyway.

For my youtube link/url. I know some of you guys have been asking me to give it out and some of you have been waiting for me to give it out! but im sorry, im still not going out today. Im going to give it out really really soon because im still uploading a few more vidoes before i give it out. It still looks really pathetic to me. Haha. So yeah, sorry if i kept you guys waiting? Be patient.

For nowwww, im gonna eat. Yay! (Y)

2010-06-05T14:37:00.011+08:00

Today, i am going to blog with pictures and as i blog, pictures will be there too instead of putting all the pictures at the end of the post. Met Edina yesterday. Our meeting up place was at bedok mrt. Suppose to meet her around 2pm but she came around 1.45pm and i came about 5 or ten minutes late. Heh. The first thing she said when she saw me she was like 'so pretty.' For me, i said 'wah you so tall.' HAHAH. Our first impressions of each other ;) After that trained down to city hall. We didn't talk much in the train because she was shy. For me, i needed to 'warm up' first. Haha. Only the start i was abit shy, though.

Reached city hall then went to rubi to check out the shoes i wanted. Sadly, there weren't any sizes for me. All of the sizes were only 39 -.- It was too big for me, sigh. Then walked abit more then went to marina. Went into topshop, check the price of the high-waisted jeans i wanted and it was above 90 bucks i think, not enough money for that. Haha. But i went out of topshop with a plastic bag though. I bought this heart shaped leggins, yay! (Y) Then went into diva and i got myself a ringggg. Edina got jealous, heh heh. After that, walked abit more then we were both hungry so we decided to eat at long john's. Mmmmm! I kept on disturbing her and she kept on saying, 'i hate you ah!' HAHAHAH.

After having our lunch, she had to go to the toilet to clean her braces. I didn't know it was that troublesome to have braces eh. haha.

After looking into more shops and walking around, we headed to esplanade rooftop to hang out for awhile. Took pictures and videos, talked and laughed alot. Got along with each other pretty well. Then we started to try to 'jerk'. Haha. Funny shit.

After that, went down back to get a drink. I got a drink from Mcafe. My favvvv. Around 7pm++, we trained to orchard for more shopping. Orchard to far east. Didn't get anything from there though. After that,someone asked me to meet up and so i agreed. So i left the place early at about 8pm++ and trained back to bedok. Met up for awhile only then i left about 9pm. That was my day!

Thanks for the great day babe! Let's meet again some other time. I shall end the post here. More pictures will be posted up on facebook. For the videos, i might be posting on youtube or facebook. Till here lovelies~

2010-06-03T18:45:00.005+08:00

Today was a great day ^.^

Got up in the morning about 8.30am and i just wanted to go back to sleep because i was so super tired. Got ready for school and met amalina opposite school. Finally she came to school. Give her a tight big hug, i miss her so much you know! Our whole class went to marina something for the Literature seminar. Like ive said in my previous post, it's a seminar whereby we meet the actual author of the book. It was really boring, i wasn't even listening most of the time. I kept writting notes to shauna and amalina. Haha. Mini msn convo ^^.

Everything ended about 12.10pm, then we walked to the mrt station. Oh there was this part when we were at the traffic light and the light was still green. Then our teacher asked, 'you wanna cross?' then me and amalina just walked. After a few seconds, the light became red then we RANNNN instead of walking back. Haha, funny shit. Everyone was laughing at us. We ran like crazy dogs until my hair was flying everywhere. Haha.

Amalina, Shauna and myself trained to city hall to have our lunch at Burger King. Turkey bacon, mmmm! C: Lunch was really good. Oh yeah before that, amalina and I walked pass Diva and i shouted, 'omg saleee!buy one get one free!' And yes, standard we all run into the shop. Haha. Amalina & I bought this friendship ring. It's like a mood ring, though and it says 'friends forever.' Sweet right? I know. Haha. Didn't get one with shauna since she didn't want it, hmmm. So we made our way back to the MRT station at about 2++. On the way there, starbucks were giving out mini small drinks for us to try. It was lemon mixed with green tea. Ewww! Haha. So shauna dared us to drink it like 'shots.' So yeah, amalina and I drank it in one shot. Funny shit. I think that's the worst drink starbucks could create. I mean, lemon with green tea? Seriously? What are you thinking? Lemon is okay, but green tea is just plain horrible. Hehhh ^.^ After that, headed homeeeee and took a nap (Y). I really need a lot of sleep and rest. Ive been sleeping late way too much = eyebags + dark-eyed circles = someone calling me panda = sad ):

Tommorow im meeting my Edina dearest for the first time. Yayyy! Haha. We are gonna go shopping tommorow, like finally. I really need to do some shopping. Haha. Edina is so cute, she says she's so nervous to meet me because she's shy. Haha. But don't worry girl, i'll be so hyper with you like in our msn conversations -.- Can't wait to meet you! Videos okay? Hehhh (: For nowwww, i shall blog more tommorow. Toodles~

2010-06-03T00:14:00.004+08:00

Just so you know, do take note my previous post has nothing to do with Dan. Im not sad or anything or neither did we fight or whatnot. Im just saying before i get silly questions about it. For now maybe, i shall keep going on with life. Im shall try to stand strong. Give me the strength to hold on to this, and maybe just maybe i'll be alright.

Things i have to do:
1) Post my thousands videos up on my youtube.
2) Start studying for god's sake.
3) Try to make a change of myself.
4) Get back to who i was.
5) Make a decision
6) Bio & English projects to be done.
7) Meet up plans with my babes.
8) I need to do shopping.
9) Use my freaking topshop/diva voucher soon.
10) I need to get some rest & sleep. Eyebags ):

Today wasn't such a good day. It's 12.21am now and i just got home from my grandmother's house. My relatives from England came down to singapore recently so we had to visit them. They are originally from England and yes they are 'ang-moh' haha but i think they are now living in different countries. I don't know. It's nice to see everyone again eventhough i felt so out of place since it was totally boring, *yawns.* But it's alright. Oh before i went there, shit happened and im not going to elaborate about it i just had to say that (!!!) Shoot me. Haha.

Tommorow i'll be having a Literature seminar in the morning. Have to be in school by 9.15am. Gonna meet the author of our literature book; Heartland. Kind of interesting to actually see the person itself face to face. I wonder what's going to happen tommorow our what will the other students ask him about the novel. Haha. It ends at 12pm and i think i might be heading home after that since i have no mood to go out and im having tuition. Bummer. From such a boring holiday to such a busy holiday. Geeez.

Alright, i shall head to bed since it's getting late. Goodbye lovelies~

2010-06-02T18:41:00.003+08:00

I WANT TO CRY RIGHT NOW.

I just want to be alone for awhile. I need time to heal. Someone, please fix this heart of mine? Maybe i need to go somewhere far away. Escape from reality. Somewhere far from everything. Somewhere i can just get away from everything in life and hide my face with a paperbag. Is that being a coward? I want to be alone, but i don't think i can do this alone. Someone please guide me.

I think i need you. Im slowly giving up on this. Can't be, just can't be. And love, doesn't mean im in a bad mood means you can't talk to me. I think you are the only one who can make me smile, for now. Imissyou, so dearly.

2010-06-02T14:17:00.002+08:00

My mum just fucking told me i have to go my grandmother's house around 6 or 7 plus. This means = less time with bestfr. Whoa, thanks mann. okay i know it's really not her fault for the last minute plan but at least i don't have to go? She can go with daddy alone. It's not even an 'important' thing that i mustmust go right. It's not even a big outing! Ahhh. Im really so fed up now because why does all my plans have to be screwed up seriously? B better not be late or else i'll fuck bestfr upside down. See lah, i want to go out for awhile only still tak jadi. How like that? I hate last minute things you know? Hate it when something screws my plan that has been made way before that you know? I want spend time with bestr. Thanks ah, seriously.

I just hope i can convince my mum that i don't have to be there. What for? Im just a statue there whuttt. Then if we are going to stay there until at night, i have freaking school tommorow morning rightttt. Next time eh please please please tell us , i mean tell my parents before hand so that she can tell me before i actually make plans -.- Now im with a frown. FML.

Kay ah bye~ I want to get ready now. No famous amos for me ):

2010-06-01T14:51:00.004+08:00

I know i look cacat in this picture but..... look at my cheeks! HAHA.

Anyway, hiiiii. First off, I want to apologise to dearest Erma for cancelling our plans at the very last minute. Honestly, i was really looking foward to meeting you and i was really excited to get a chance of meeting you because god knows when was the last time we met. Haha. I really forgotten i had tuition and i won't have time to go out with you. Even if i do, it's only going to be about 2 or 3 hours ): I'll promise to make it up to you okay? Im really sorry for the last minute change but im hoping to meet you the next friday. And of course, i miss you like alot. So once again, im super sorry and i hope to see you soon kay? :>

School today was pretty alright. I got up in the morning in a very bad mood, geeeez. The first thing when i saw my mum she asked me, "you got a boyfriend ah?" Of course i said no because ya duh, i don't have a boyfriend then she said this, "then chattting-chatting with guys all." Yes mum, every guy i talk to is my boyfriend -.- That's because she saw the conversation of me talking to D when she walked pass behind me. Seirously mum? Give me some space. I need privacy too you know. Stop checking your daughters wesbites and stuffs like that. It's only making us feel more suffocated and in the end, that's the reason why we don't tell you about our personal life cause' all you do is scold us. Everything seems wrong to you, even by having guyfriends. you can't even trust us with that, tskkk -.-

Okay what was i blogging about? Oh yes, school -.- So yeah i was in a very bad mood and my mum had to make it worse. I really rushed going to school today and i went to school with my dark-eye circles and messy hair since i didn't even have time to do my face and hair properly because i thought i was going to be late for school. In the end, i could have just came later since there wasn't any assembly, wtffff. Besides that, everything was okay. I only felt abit sick and i wanted to vomit too :C Had a physics test today too. Luckily i remembered everything. Except for one question, hehhh.

Today will be another day rotting at home again. I'll be having tuition at night later on. Hopefully she doesn't cancel it again or else i'll be very angry since i cancelled my plans for this(!!!) Ah wells. At least tommorow won't be as bad. Having school tommorow and afterwhich i have to do this NE quiz then i'll be meeting bestfriend! Woohoooo~ And guess what? Bestfr is going to get me famous amos before she meets me so... i can finally satisfy my cravings for that! Thumbs up (Y). For friday, having school again but im also thinking of going out. Maybe on saturday too, shall see about it. If not, im going to go somewhere to study alone. Yes i made up my mind. The only way i won't be lazy to study is if im not at home and im alone, haha :P

Next week will be the last week of school. Like finally. Holidays also have school .___. If im not going to head out, i shall go somewhere alone to study. At least that's not so boring right? Shall tell my mum my plans and hopefully she'll let me. She better, since im willing to start studying already. HAHA. Baru start -.- hmmmm~ N'levels, are you ready for me? Cause im ready for you, bitch. Bring it on! :D

Oh on a random 'note' (?), i just realised taio cruz songs mostly have techno beats into it. Haha. Songs like, 'forever-love' and 'dirty picture.' But it's still nice though. Okay buh-bye.

2010-05-31T17:07:00.005+08:00

Im abit moodless right now. Today = sucks.

I know ive mentioned in my previous blogpost that i'll be heading out today and whatnot. I was really looking foward to this outing and i was super exicted for it. In the end, everything wasn't properly planned and i was the only one 'planning' so i got frustrated i decided to cancel everything. Yes, today is going to be another day rotting at home. Thumbs up for that (Y). Im not pissed with those who im supposed to go out with though, no joke. Im cool. Totally cool~ My fault for not planning properly eh? Haha. Im always the one .___.

Anyway, my head is spinning right now. There is something going on here. I don't know if im just being paranoid, but im really finding it hard to trust people. Im just going to remain silent, just for now. Oh myyyy, i have really alot of things to do in this holiday. But yet, im not even spending my time on my studies. At this rate im going, i don't think i can even come back to sec 5. Just look at me now. My results are already that bad and yet im not even doing anything about it. It's not that i don't want to, my mind just says i can't. If only there's an easy way to stop my habit from being lazy :C Wouldn't it be so easy?

I think i shall head out tommorow. I feel like doing some shopping, who wants to tag along with muah? :> I don't know why but these days i find it hard for me to blog. Haha. I mean, usually i would type everything out without even backspacing and thinking for even a second and whatnot. But these days, im just out of ideas?! i don't know, i said i don't know. Hmmmm. Alright, shall end this ugly crappy post here. Goodbye.

And don't worry, im fine. Totally never felt better ;D

2010-05-31T01:18:00.004+08:00

I think ive found out enough information.

Can someone please tell me what's going on? At least, just the truth. I really don't understand what is happening and it's making my head spin. Im really speechless right now. I can't even think what to do. I don't know what to say either. It's just too... shocking? Maybe i had just enough. I don't want to be fooled anymore. So please, where is the truth? Oh mannn. I hate feeling like this, again.

Please don't lie to me anymore. Please, don't hurt me. Im fragile.

2010-05-30T20:40:00.009+08:00

To your right, a picture of me drinking mcafe. Oh fuck, im craving for mcafe now. Oh more better, im craving for starbucks now ):

I was so bored at home and since my throat and tummy asked me to get some bubbletea, i went down for awhile. I went down with my very curly hair, looking all messy again. Haha. To my supriseeeee, there were many mats & minahs today :0 So i called farah up while i was walking to the bubbletea shop. Heh. Had a great long talk. After getting bubbletea for myself and my sister as well, headed to 7-eleven. And yes, im such a nice sister to get something for my sister. HEH ^^. Went to 7-eleven and the cashier was a bapok, HAHAHAH. Cool eh. His name is Ella, whoa whoa whoa nice name also. Huahua.

Okay then i went back home around 7-ish. This is my 2nd post for the day because yes im dying of boredom. At least tommorow should be fun. I can get the feeling-feeling of being a photographer tommorow. Yeap, there is going to be a photoshoot tommorow by me(cheyy). haha. Im so looking foward to it ^.^ I still don't know where is a nice place around my area for photography. I have one place in mind, though. Can't wait :D Anyway, good luck to those who are having their Malay O'level exam tommorow. Do your very best alright.

So there's this guy. His name is Dan. I like to write about him in my blog everyday because he is always on my mind. I miss Dan like so much, what do you think i should do? Haha. Oh my, silly me xD You know what? Recently, there were three guys by the name of Dan who added me on facebook. HAHAHAH. So weird right? I know. But all of them are not cute like my baby ;) And to my baby, if im ever going to be your girl someday(uh,hopefully.) im going to make you the luckiest guy on earth okay? I'll give you what you deserve. I'll give you the best i can be. You are my everything, you are the best thing. I love you and only you. Whoo~

Im going to end my post here. I miss Dan, i miss Risyah and Hilda, I miss my b's, i miss erma. ):

2010-05-30T17:24:00.003+08:00

I AM FUCKING BORED, CAN SOMEONE FUCKING KILL ME RIGHT NOW? __

So hiiiii, my tution got cancelled today. Oh thank god (Y). I'll be having tuition on tuesday night instead :> If i knew i didn't had tution i would have head out or something. I need to have something to do, you know. Can i have freedom, mummy? Because staying at home for the whole entire day and oh, staying at home on weekends doesn't bring me any good. I don't know what the fuck im talking about now :C That explains why im so fucking bored = crap.

Okayokayokay! On the brighter side, i'll be heading out tommorow! Ah yes, finally mann finally. It feels like ive been locked up inside my house for months, you know. I think we'll be watching the movie, the last song. But guess whut?! The last long is only showing in two places. Orchard and eng wah west mall .___. Fuck you la, hahaha.

Im sorry for my crappy post. I think i should blog about something interesting my next post. What topic? Okay hi. Bye

ps:/someone bring me out please. i also need to do some shopping. this holiday is going to be fucking boring >:(

formspring.me

2010-05-30T00:21:00.001+08:00

Question me, bring it on! http://formspring.me/annadollyy

2010-05-29T15:10:00.009+08:00

My day yesterday(friday) was spent at my cousin's house. Before that, we headed to tamp to get birthday presents. The little girl is already one year old! Awwww, how adorable. Looking at all those cute baby stuff and toys makes me wish i was still a kid again. All the baby clothes are just too cute! ^.^ So it was my first time going to my new cousins house because while the rest of my family went there for the 1st time, i sat at home since i was feeling well. The house was pretty far though, all the way at sengkang but thank god we had a car for transport or else it will be so troublesome to get there. The house is quite small but i find it really nice! ^^. The first thing we did was to eateateat. Then sat around, watched some tv. Talked with cousins then it was cutting the cake time! Haha. And after that, played with the babies. Haha. I love kidssss, don't you? :P

So yeah, that was my friday. For today. Im kind of in a confusion right now. Since someone broke the 'news' about something to me this morning, i only have 3 months left. What am i going to do in this 3 months and what about after that? Thanks to that, it's making my decision even harder. If only god could tell me straight away what would be the right decision for me. I really don't want to make the wrong decision and regret again :C Hmmmmm. For now, going with the flow~ So for today, i won't be doing anything. Yes, im stuck at home again. No life right? Who the hells sit at home on a saturday? Haha. But yeahhh, must have some discipline. Tommorow will be another boring day for me. Starting my tuition again, grrrrz.

Baby, i just realised we known each other for almost a month already. Going one month, i mean. Haha. So fast. Oh by the way, hi. I miss you. biler nak jumpe? biler nak call i? HAHAHA. eeeee bacin. okay bye!

2010-05-29T01:33:00.003+08:00

FINALLY A YOUTUBE CHANNEL!

so yes, ive created a youtube account although i already have one, i re-created a new one! Haha. So people have been telling/suggesting to me that i should have a youtube channel so that i can be like one of those 'vloggers' on youtube. Frankly speaking, i was planning on doing this for quite some time ago but i didn't had the courage to do it. As all of you know, youtube is universal. Everyone around the whole world will be able to acces into your videos. And as usual, you shouldn't be suprise if you have haters up there. What made me do this youtube channel?

Well, ive been posting a few of my videos up on facebook and yeah im pretty suprised some people actually do watch my videos. Not only that, they even come up to me and tell me they 'enjoy' watching it and so they told me i should do more. haha. So yeahhh. So far i have one subscriber! Huhu. Im not going to share my youtube link just yet until im fully ready with everything. I still have a few more things to be done. Stuffs like my profile, vidoes, settings and the template/theme as well. I don't like showing things to others that are halfway not done, you get what i mean? So i will share the link soon as im done with everything. Just so you know, im only a starter. So it kinds of looks pathetic now. (:

I have also made a tumblr. Okay, i actually made it quite some time ago but... i was too lazy to do it after finding out it was a little too complicated at first. I guess i lost interest along the way. But after doing some "research" and watching videos on how to use tumblr (haha, i know right.) i finally knew how to certain things! Im kind of satisfied with the theme im having now. But the problem is after everything was done and i was about to 'annouce' my new link... zzzzz i found out that there is some problem with my tumblr page. It cant seem to load? Hmmmm. So again, i will not share my link/url until it's fully done. Hahah. But just so you know, even if i have a tumblr i will still be blogging as normally ^^v.

Currently it's 2am and im still not alseep yet. Haha. I shall go edit more on my blogskin template now. Goodnight everyone~

PS:/ I MISS DAN SO FUCKING MUCH ):

2010-05-27T22:24:00.004+08:00

Im sorry, i just have to let things out. See the way i smile up there? It's nothing when it's fake, isn't it? Not even a sincere smile. I don't know, things are just getting harder and harder each time we move on from something over again. Im so lost, but i can't find you because you left without a trace. Im left with nothing. I wish we made this a good thing. I wish i didn't say the things i said. I wish i could tell you im sorry. I wish i could have you here today because baby i need you.

Can someone tell me what am i supposed to do? I just want to get close to you. I was so foolish, i don't know why i even hurt you. You were the best thing but now im stuck in this maze. Im left behind, which just questions running through my head. Why is this even happening? Is this even what we wanted? Why were things left this way? I can't keep on going this way. I need to move foward, but i can't because i need you here with me to guide me through. I need you to keep pushing me until i am where i want to be. Which is to be right next to you. I wish i could tell you how i feel but you wouldn't believe me since you lost your trust on me. Is there even hope for this? I feel so helpless, useless, everything. I don't even know what i did to make you feel that way. I was real, i wasn't playing. I meant what i said to you.

Every night before i sleep, my last thought is you. I shed a tear every night when i think of you. When were the days where i wake up feeling cheerful and ending the day with a smile on my face? Im sorry, i can't stand this fight anymore. If neither of us are going to end this, maybe i should. Afterall, im used to giving in. Am i right? Whatever it is, im sorry if im not the girl you wanted. Im sorry for acting the way i acted. Im sorry if my words were just lies to you. I just want you to know, i miss you and i can't stand another night crying over you. I need you ):

i wish you could look into my eyes and realise im real. i meant everything i said, espicially 'i love you.'

2010-05-27T18:18:00.006+08:00

You will always be my baby though you drive me crazy, nothing will replace you.

So the parent teacher conference went well afterall. My mum was totally cool. She didn't freak out or anything. Whatever my teacher has said about me is really true and i might take her words into consideration. I mean, i only have a few months left. I rather suffer and enjoy later then to enjoy now and suffer later. Teacher said my discipline in school is really good and that i don't get easily influence. Haha. Which is true, so im going to keep that up (Y). This june holidays, i might be having fun but im going to use some of my free time for my studies as well. I need to buck up on my maths and science. The rest of my subjects are just aye-okay :C

I almost went to tears hearing what my mother said. I guess she didn't had the chance to tell me face to face what she has been doing to me all this while. I finally opened my eyes and realised what my mum has done for me. I really appreciate it, mummy and im sorry if i didn't do so well for my prelims. I always thought the other way round of you but after hearing what you said earlier on, im happy and grateful to have you as a mum. At least, you allow me to persue whichever dream i want to. You don't force me, you let me do what i want. So yeah, i'll improve and i want to get that 'improvement' award! haha. Yeah ^.^

So quite a few things have been happening in my life, lately. Im trying to adapt to these changes? But honestly, i don't know when will this end and i hope it does soon because im tired of sitting here thinking about the same thing running into my head all over again. But whatever it is, im standing strong so i'll be fine. I can't wait for my N'levels to be over and done with. ):

2010-05-27T13:28:00.004+08:00

Im freaking scared right now. Two more hours and i have to head to school to collect my results for parent teacher conference. I know mum will be very dissapointed in my results. Even im dissapointed. I bet once she see's my class and level position, she's going to freak out. I can already imagine the look on her face once she see's it. Oh my holly god, im friggin' scared. What im more scared of is what my teacher is going to say to my mum. I hope it's only good comments. Hmmm. I need to buck up and i feel that the time is running out. Noooo ):

I guess all i have to do now is get it over and done with. Im afraid i might cry but i'll try to control it. If mum nags at me, im just going to listen listen listen. Im hoping i'll improve. God, help me. It's okay. I have to do this :\ Wish me the best of luck everyone! ^^.

2010-05-26T22:03:00.003+08:00

Thought we were flying on the wings of love,maybe we weren't flying high enough. Thought I gave you everything you need. Baby, was my all just not enough? I was certain that it would be you to be the one to fight for us and hold me down. And i thought i gave you all i am. But you will always be my baby. Boy, eventhough you drive me crazy nothing will replace you now. I thought nothing could ever shake us. I was so mistaken.

Boy, before you turn around and leave there's something you should see. Look into my eyes you will find it's all that I can be. I thought that we'd be fine when we reached the top. Baby, now we've fallen far enough. Is there nothing that can save us and break the fall? is this all that's left of us? I was certain that it would be me to be the one to fight for you.

So I'm wishing for the sun to shine. Maybe it'll dry the rain away. Maybe the time will come
But baby, all I got to say is. This is me. The real me. Im not playing, im real.

2010-05-26T18:16:00.004+08:00

School today was a complete waste of my time o.0 Had SS lessons for awhile at the morning after which we had to go to the hall for some talk. The was went the 'inccident' happened. We were suppose to move so i asked hazirah to pull my up. Haha. She didn't pull me up properly and instead my leg dragged along the floor and i my knee started to bleed -.- So headed to the toilet to wash my cut and got plaster from the sick bay. The cut was pretty deep, though. Hope it doesn't leave a scar. Haha ^^. Did some reflection thing in the hall, boringggg~

Then we had classroom cleaning. Shauna and I had to clean the very dusty cupboard which hasn't been cleaned for months or years? Yeahh. But we did a pretty good job! (Y) Got released around 11.30am when we were not supposed to go yet, haha. Waited for hazzz and farah to end their class. Soon after, they were released then shauna had to go RTC. Had a drink at the canteen and slacked abit until it was time to go up to the dance studio to get ready since our cca photo taking was at 4pm. Seniors didn't had to wear custome, double yay (Y). Oh, we got back our results today. Just to take a look at it. Im really under-performing. I never really expected to get so low. i need to buck up. Tommorow will be parent-teacher conference and looks like i have to face the music tommorow. Here comes all the nagging and the tears! ):

I don't think i looked nice in the cca picture but i don't really care. Haha. Slacked with hazz & fah for awhile then i headed home. Im really very sleepy. I couldn't sleep last night, yet again. I don't know what's always keeping me awake this while. Thinking too much? Haha. Idk. But nowww... i think i'll shall go take a nap and i'll go online back :D

Goodbye everyone~

2010-05-25T19:52:00.006+08:00

As you can tell, i was abit annoyed yesterday and im sorry for all my harsh blog post and fb status and whatnot. Im okay now. Nothing happened. And don't worry, it has nothing to do with a boy. (:

School today was actually fun. Many people didn't turn up so the class was pretty small. Amalina didnt come to school, yet again. i miss amalina oi. So my whole day was spent with shauna b! Fun ^^. Lessons as per normal. Got released at 11am from class and had our lunch. Ate just abit and then shauna and I went to the library since the weather was being a bitch and we wanted to enjoy the air-con. Sat down, gossiped, talked, laughed and enjoyed the air-con. (haha.)

Around 12.30pm we took the school bus to the Changi Chapel Museum. We learned about the history and the story behind the changi chapel. About the british and idk what la. Haha. Pretty interesting but i got bored after a while. The only part that i was interested in knowning was about the 'suffering' part. Poor singaporeans have been toutured. Wow. I think i wouldn't survive with all those totures. Haha.

Reached back to school around 3.30plus then i headed to meet k for awhile.Left about 4 or 5, i can't remember. Headed home, sleeeeeeeeep. Since i was really tired since i didn't had a good sleep last night. Only had about 3 hours of sleep since i couldn't sleep at all -.- hmmm~

So yeap! That's about it. Tommorow will be the 'last day of school' then here comes june holidays babeh! Can't wait ^^v.

2010-05-24T23:20:00.002+08:00

I WAS SO CLOSE TO SAYING 'FUCK YOU' TO YOU JUST NOW. SERIOUSLY, ARGH. I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE. FUCK EVERYTHING AND FUCK YOU. IF YOU DONT WANT MY CONCERN, THEN FINE I'LL FUCKING LET YOU DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO. WHY THE FUCK DO I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT YOU ANYWAY? FUCK. YARYAR, KEEP ON TESTING MY PATIENCE. I WILL NOT TOLERATE YOUR BULLSHIT ANYMORE.

hi, hahaha bye~

2010-05-24T20:12:00.002+08:00

Have you ever felt so annoyed. Annoyed by your ownself?Because you can't seem to do something right for at least once no matter how much you try?

That's how im basically feeling right now. I mean, i don't know. I just can't make people happy? I do this, your not okay with it. I do that, your still not okay with it. Then what do you want? Hmmm. I just can't make my parents happy, isn't it? Everything i do is just wrong. Tell me, what do you want?

Uhhh, whatever. I dont wanna talk about shit. Anyway, school today was pretty okay. It started out really well. I was being all cheerful and hyper today, i have no idea why though. Lessons were really dull and boring, i guess it's the monday blues. School ended early today, since it's monday. Ended off around 1.35pm then i waited for the bus with shauna. Met farah on the way. Something funny happened in the bus stop. Haha. Then shauna left for home while farah & I headed to 7-eleven to get a drink. Sat down for awhile then i told her i need to go home. She didn't had anywhere to go until 5pm.Haha. So i suggested she came to my crib for awhile. So yeahh, it was her first time at my crib -.-ROFL.

Im feeling very tired today, i dont know why. My legs hurt eventhough i didn't even walk much today. haha. My mood is going down down down since im tired. Guess i'll be turning in early tonight. 2 MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL AND IT'S HOLIDAYS. (Y)

bye~

2010-05-23T16:05:00.007+08:00

As you can see, Dan updated my blog for me yesterday since i was in the lazy mood to blog. Haha. Thank you dearest for your effort and time for writting about your love to me. *coughscoughs*. Ahem. But the picture of megan fox and about the cute guys, sungguh tidak perlu okay. Haha. But anyway megan fox is hoottt! :P So as Ryan Sheckler, duh.

Anyway, there's something i want to say before i blog about my boring day. Ive been getting 'questions' on formspring asking about Dan. Also, on my sister's formspring it has something to do about Dan. Looks like it went all the way to my sister's formspring, wow. Firstly, i don't have a boyfriend and Dan isn't my boyfriend,yet. What part of single but unavailable do you guys not get? We just like/love each other, that's all. I don't want to be in a relationship until im fully ready and i know Dan respects that, right? At least he understands that. He doesn't wanna rush me either. But i would appreciate if you guys just mind your own business and stop judging Dan by his age. Oh c'mon, you can't just say stuff not knowing the person personally am i right? That's judging it's book by it's cover. That wouldn't be fair, wouldn't it?

But please, this is my life anyway. i can choose what i want to do with it. I appreciate all your care and concern on trying to warn or stop me from being into 'danger' or 'hurt' again, but this time i know this love is for real. I mean, that's what my heart says so obviously i trust my heart more than what other people say or see right? I just dislike the fact people tend to comment about Dan everywhere. MYOB. Stop trying to convince me. It's not working. And about my ex-boyfriend. Yes, i do know i still keep pictures and vidoes of him on my facebook. But that doesn't mean im still in love with him or whatnot. Honestly yes it is very diffucult to get over a relationship that lasted a year in a short period of time but doesn't mean i dont want to get over it. Im taking things very slowly, and im slowly trying to accept the way things are now. I like the way things are now. Im over it, so over it. Im not living in the past anymore. I want to move foward. Moving foward. Thank you very much.

About my day today. Supposed to have tuition but it was cancelled, thankfully. But if i knew, i would have slept longer. Heh heh :P i woke up at 1.30pm, though. haha! Wake up, straight away eat. Dayummmn. I won't be doing anything today. Just my daily routine, eat sleep eat sleep, get bored and ummm... rot at home basically. I dreamed my hair got chopped off yesterday, SHEESH. Not ever happening. Speaking of which, i really need to do something about my hair. I want it to grow longer and faster so that i can rebond my hair! It's so fucking ugly now. With all the curly wurly strands of hair growing. Grrrr. Grow hair, grow! Okay im getting bored already. haha. Going to end my post... here.

Last but not least, I love dan and nothing can change that no matter what people say or do. I'll keep on doing what i want to do, and follow what my heart says. Even if it makes people unhappy, i'll keep doing what i am meant to do. As long as im happy, i know things are going to be okay. I truly love you, and that's all i have to say. (:

BABY PEMALAS! :(

2010-05-22T23:26:00.005+08:00

SURPRISE SURPRISE! HAHA. RYAN SHECKLER RIGHT? ADD MEGAN FOX TO IT. FAIR AND SQUARE. :P MAKE ME JEALOUS ONLY. HAHA.

Hello silly earthlings. Dan here. Updating for Sharlene. Was instructed by her because she's being a lazy ass to blog. Sorry if it's going to bore you people to death. Haha.

Today she went to Tampines. Looking all messy. Yet there were cute guys who still smile at her. She was so happy about it you know. Haha. That silly girl.

So now for the part where nobody likes. :/ Heh heh. As you all know, I love her, she loves me, we love each other. I know I'm old and she's way too young for me but it’s been said that love finds you when you’re ready.

I'm definitely not taking advantage of her. I love her because I just do. I have no bad intentions. I mean, what do I gain for doing all those right? I love her for who she is. :)

And since she asked me to blog for her, I think this is the right time and place to let everyone and the beloved know this.

Dear beloved,

I'm never contented with what I have.

Because there's always something new that comes along.

People change, feelings change.

But I'm contented to have you around, right here by my side.

So dear Sharlene, I love you and I really do. I know I've said this many times and I hope you'll never get bored with these same phrases over and over again. Haha. Love you baby. :)

Goodnight now, silly earthlings. Time to go to bed. Sweet dreams.

Love, me.

2010-05-21T21:36:00.009+08:00

So while every girl is having their "bieber fever". Ive been falling in love with my new boyfriend, sheckler. HAHAHAHHAHA. okay right. Im sorry, he is just too hot. And plus, ryan sheckler is a skater and i love skater boys ^.^

Anyhoo, today was the results day. Hmm, i guess i did fairly but i just have to buck up on my science. It was a real suprise that my highest subject was malay. I think it's my first time getting above 60, though. Wow. Haha. So bascially, many people failed or almost failed their english. I swear i blame the paper for being so diffucult. But thank god i did pass. So i passed english, malay, combined humanities. Didn't do so well for combined science since my physics pulled my marks down. For POA, i have no hope. Duh. Maths? Im halfway there. Im slowly improving ^.^ So yeah for now i only need to work on my maths and combined science. Im going to concertrate on these two the most for now. Grrrrr.

Checking of scripts ended around 11.30am ++ but we had to stay back to do a NE quiz. The NE quiz is some sort of game and we had to get all three medals to pass -.- My first try i only had one medal so i had to redo and play the game all over again. Pfft. Then finally i had the three medals. Haha. Waited for shauna to finish then she headed home while i went to meet farah at bubbletea shop for awhile. I was down with a flu, though. Left home at about 2pm++ and slept at 3pm to 5pm since i couldn't take my flu -.- Got up and straight away replied baby's message. Haha. Tertido pulak, waiting for his reply. Lembab betul -.- Hahhahaa.

K goodnight everybody.

2010-05-20T22:50:00.002+08:00

Today isn't a good day. I think i should head to bed sooon since there's no point using this lappy without anything to do and im getting sleepy. I really hope tommorow will be better. I really hope my results are good if not, the mother is going to nag at me. Grrrr. But anyway, im already expecting alot of failure. So yeah, whutever. I really hate today. What a bad bad day. I can't wait for tommorow to be over. and... TGIF is tommorow. Yippeeee (Y). Can't wait for the weekends. I can sleep late, wake up late. For now, i shall end my post here. I think im feeling paranoid again, hmph. Okay bye, i is going to sleep nowzx. Buhyezz!~

2010-05-20T21:30:00.006+08:00

My boring face, yet again. Got back two other papers today. Got back POA paper one & two. Im really frustrated with the marks given to me because i really did put in alot of effort and time doing my paper two, but i failed? Fuck okay. I even had ticks but she didn't want to give me the marks since the whole thing must be correct, kncb! -.- On the other hand, got back our malay listening comprehension result today. I did 'unexpectedly' good. Haha. I got freaking 7/10 laaa. I mean, for someone who doesn't even understand that well when someone speaks malay or for someone who rarely speaks malay, i actually got 7? W-O-W. Haha. Happy ^^. So will be getting the rest of the papers tommorow. Which should be english, malay paper 1, social studies, literature & physics. All those 'main' subject im excited yet scared to find out how i did. Wish me luck everyone!

Anyway, im kind of in a pissy mood today. I got home and started to straight away to shout when i found out my mum just suddenly "decided" to throw away my stuff -.- I mean if you want to throw away my stuff, you could at least ask me before you do it right? And she freaking threw the picture of me and my ex-bestfriend. Like okay, that im surely keeping eventhough it's dirty or ruined or whatnot. Its for memories. And to add to my pissy-ness, i found out all my things are freaking messed up and i know for sure she looked through my stuff and "spy" on me. No privacy much? Not only that, i don't know where the hell she put my key that opens up my 'thingy thing' that has all my money and savings inside. Tell me, how am i going to open up and take my money if it's locked and my key is nowhere to be found? Omg -.- I mean i appreciate she's trying to clean my room and organise it, but... ummm? It's so messy now! And ever since my parent's have been painting their room, they chuck everything to my room -.- GODDD.

Enough with the pissyness. I miss someone and he's not online yetttttt and it makes me miss him more. Waliao. This is my daily routine already -____-. I hate missing someone, :(

2010-05-19T20:04:00.005+08:00

Today was such a boring day. Weather was good though! I love it. Huhu. Anyway, got up with a sweet message from baby. I swear he never failes to make my day. Who on earth would actually bother to give you a goodnight message as well as a morning message? I love all that. It starts my day really well, and ends my day with a big smile on my face. You never fail to turn my frown upside down, boyyyy. Ive never really thought a guy would bother to do that just to put a smile on my face but you prooved me wrong, i guess. Thanks for always putting a smile on my face, b ^^.

So recently, we got back our exams papers. Only some of them, though. So far, im pretty dissapointed with my bio marks. Felt i could do so much better and it was really wasted because i did well for paper 1. In fact, my marks were almost as close to the highest mark in the class. But the thing is, my paper 2 marks pulled down everything. Grrrr. We got back our maths paper one too, obviously i failed. But i could see that i was improving so im quite happy about that. I lost about almost 5 marks due to carelessness. If i have gotten those 7 marks, i would be very close to passing. Just about 10 more makrs to pass? So yeahh. I also got back my malay paper 2. Fuhhhhh, i passed. Thank god. Haha.

Got back our english oral feedback form as well. I did really great! I scored the highest grade for reading & picture disscussion. There is grade 1,2,3,4. I got 4 for all the compartments. And only 3 for conversation. Teacher said "keep it up". She didn't had much comments since im already "good." haha. But seriously, i was quite suprised i did well in my orals. It's my first time getting really high marks. I guess this year, i was enthu abit -.- haha. She said i really did a good job but just have to work on my conversation and it might help to pull my score up for english. Yay! ^^. haha. I have to continue this until N'lvel examination. Proud of myself for that. So i had a nap just now and i woke up at 7.30pm. The first thing i did was to on my lappy and see whose online. Oh you know, "hoping" that someone is online. Haha. So yeahh, im waiting now.

So ummmm, im gonna go now and continue to wait. Huhu. Goodbye.

2010-05-18T15:43:00.007+08:00

B's outing was awesome. (Yesterday)

Had real fun with em' girls. It's been a long time since we last catched up with each other since we are all busy with exams and whatnot. Finally, all the four of us met up. I left my house around 1.30pm and bussed down to downtown and reached about 2.20pm. We were all supposed to be there by 2pm though. Hehheh. We had our lunch at BBQ chicken. Lunch was great, as usual. We took hell loads of videos at BBQ. Im going to upload it facebook, so go check it out once it's uploaded. You will laugh, alot seriously -.- Haha. After having our lunch, we headed to get some frozen youghurt! ^^. Played games, laughed, took vidoes, laugh, talked, laugh. Everything was filled with laughters even until the person working there asked us to lower our volume down, pfft.

So we left the place since we can't make noise and headed to somewhere else to sit down. We ended up sitting down at some carpark space? Haha. Continued playing our games and catched up. All i have to say is, i really had lots of fun with you guys. You guys never fail to make me smile, laugh and cheer me up whenever im down. Thanks for the awesome day baby's! I love each and everyone of you! Always will, ^^v.

So, im only uploading a few pictures. You can find the rest at facebook. Vidoes will be up there too. For now, goodbye.

2010-05-17T22:32:00.005+08:00

I LOVE YOU BOY.

AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

"My heart is only for you. For you to keep forever."

I can't believe im doing this, but i think im falling.

Falling deep, oh so deep. Even deeper and deeper.

Falling deeply in love with you, baby.

So what do i do know? Ive fallen for you.

this feeling is starting to grow even more, didn't expect it to. i love that it did, anyway^^

2010-05-16T18:05:00.003+08:00

I want a boy who will move the hair away from my eyes, and then kiss me. Who will hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous.. A boy who thinks I'm b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l and constantly tells me i am. A boy who will sing to me at random moments. Who lets me sleep on his chest. I want a guy who will tell his mother I have beautiful eyes, a guy who will bring me orange juice when I'm sick, who writes songs about me because he doesn't know any other way to tell me how he feels. I want a boy who is romantic, and knows the right things to say at the right times. I want a boy who will call me 3 times a day if he went away. A boy who will apologize for calling too much, and no matter how many times I tell him its okay, he'd still do it. A boy who will let me gossip to him and just smile and agree with everything I say. A boy who will throw stuffed animals at me when I acted dumb and then jump on me and kiss me a million times. I want a boy who will write letters, and give me flowers every once in a while for no real reason at all. Who will bet kisses on who could beat who on at game. Who makes fun of me just to make me laugh. A boy who will surprise me with all types of gifts. Who will take me to the park, put his hands around my waist and give me big bear hugs all the time. A boy who will kiss my neck, just to have a reason to tell me how much he loves my new perfume. A boy who will love to take pictures with me, someone who will never let me down. Who will tell all his friends about me and smile when he does it. Who will make out with me in the pouring rain and will tell me when he doesn't think something looks good. I want a boy who would try to teach me how to play the guitar, even if we just end up laughing at each other. I want a boy who will run his fingers through my hair, share his lollipops with me, and get along with all of my friends. Someone who would never be afraid to say I love you in front of his friends and someone who would argue with me about silly things just to make up. Someone who will kiss me at midnight on New Years and who will make funny faces at me when I'm on the phone. I want a boy who will count stars with me and be friends with my family. I want a boy who looks me the eye and tell me something serious, that was also funny and make me promise not to laugh. A boy who could make me laugh like no one else can. I want a boy who will hold me closer than normal when I'm sick, and would play with my hair. But mostly I want a boy who is my best friend and will always be there for me.

Would that boy, be you?

2010-05-16T16:42:00.003+08:00

So today is another day i'll be sitting at home. My weekends are seriously such a bore. I feel like i have no life, seriously. I was supposed to head out today but since it's the time of the month already, im having cramps. I can't even stand up for too long, it hurts too bad. I vomitted twice already and i really wanted to go to my cousin's new house but im just too weak to go, such a bummer. -.- So instead, im going to stay at home and rest. Thanks to my cramps, GRRRR >:(

Tommorow will be heading out with my b's. Well, at last. It has been quite a long time since all four of us has went out together. All of us have been busy with our exams lately. Also, whenever we planned an outing, either one of us wouldn't be free and whatnot. So im pretty excited to meet all of them. We really do need to catch up on a few things. I can't wait for all those gossiping sessions and laughing moments! I really need that, mann. So yes, i am very very excited. Haha. Although, i haven't even asked my mum if i could head out tommorow. I bet i can't go home late since there is school on tuesday, another bummmer! Oh wells, as long as i can get so meet my b's im happy :)

On tuesday, i think i'll be getting back my mid year exam results? Well, that's what i have heard though. Im really worried. I know i could have done so much better, but NOOOOO all because of my lazyness. -.- I need some motivation. okay enough with studies. Hmmm. Currently, im trying to upload photos to facebook (AGAIN). Yes, ive been trying since yesterday -.- Fuck fb, stop being such a bitch! And im communicating with dan through formspring. We do that almost everyday. It's like, formspring became a chatting area for us. Something just like MSN. It's fun, though ^.^ At least get to talk to my sayang righttt :D Im so jealous he's always outside having fun, while im at home dying of boredom. grrrrr.

Okay i think i should end my post here. So till here then! Goodbye avid readers :D

Ps:/why am i such in a good mood today? Ah Dan, faster meet me please? Imissyou.

2010-05-15T21:05:00.006+08:00

WHAT A BORING SATURDAY.

So i didn't head out today, eventhough im supposed to. I don't know.. just feel like staying at home instead. Tommorow, will be going to my cousin's new house. Im kindda of excited to see the new house. Monday, there's malay tutorials in the morning, FML. At first, it was only for Malay O'level students, but i don't know why they had to last minute change things, and im so upset. Monday is suppose to be a holiday for us since it's a marking day. Why the fuck must i come back to school in the MORNING?! I really don't mind if it's in the afternoon. I just hate the idea of waking up for school. Hmphh~

Im really annoyed with facebook now. It doesn't allow me to freaking upload pictures. And ive been trying to upload it several times for hours. Ever since afternoon but it keeps on failing (!!!!) FML. You kno what, im fucking getting more fat (!!!) Im eating alot and i really can't stop. FML. What's happening to me? Dayummmmm, i need to diet but people won't let me.. grrr >:( Okay im sorry for my random blogging with all the 'FML'. HAHAHAH. Im bored to death. I have been on this laptop ever since i woke up in the aftenoon. Can someone enterain me please? I want to go outttt, but fuck ah. School starts next week and it's going to be more stress. After june, that's when all the drilling starts. Im so scared for my mid year results. I really don't want to get it back, because i definitely know i didn't do so well. I regret not giving my best, hmmm.

I really don't know what else to blog about. Im worried about something now. I want to meet someone. I want to hug someone. I want to see someone. I want to laugh with someone. I want to have fun with someone. That someone? I miss that someone. Okay bye :D

PS:/ Stop assuming things, okay? I don't like people 'talking/saying' things to me as if they know so much about me. You don't know anything, so just shut the fuck up. And no, i dont have a fucking boyfriend. Im single, but i dont want to be available. So bye.

2010-05-15T00:33:00.005+08:00

Had a great day today! Was supposed to go out with hazirah & shauna but since hazirah couldn't make it, Shauna and I headed out together! It was really tiring, funny, annoying, but really fun. Actually, i think this is the first time me and shauna ever went out together? Im glad it wasn't awkward and whatnot.

Shauna came to my block at around 1.40pm. The moment i stepped out of my lift, omg i saw this hot girl! Haha. I swear she looked so hot today. Seriously! Kay then we bussed down to bedok interchange. Oh you know, i kind of got a free bus ride? I tapped my card but my card said 'invalid card', and i don't even know why. So after getting down from the bus, i went to check the value in my card and it said that only 4o cents was left. HOW PATHETIC IS THAT. hahaha! After that headed to city hall. We walked into topshop & diva first. yes, it's like the must thing to do first on our list. Then we were feeling hungry so we decided to have our lunch at KFC. Talked, talked, talked, catched up and stuff. Lunh was gooood. But i couldn't finish my cheese fries -.- After that headed to watsons to buy my thing. Thanks shauna for chipping in 2 bucks for me. Haha ^^.

So from there we went to suntec city and had a drink at macs. Okay there are some other stuff that happened but im abit lazy to elaborate. At around 7++, shauna had to leave so we trained back. I decided to drop at tamp eventhough i should be dropping at bedok. I wanted to drop at tamp because i wanted to meet Dan. But in the end, after calling for several times, he's phone should just be thrown away since it's always off -_- GRRRRRR. So i took the 17 bus home. I swear some guys & girls were talking about me. Kay, it's kindda obvious if you guys start to whisper to each other and look directly into my eye? And besides, even point to me? hahaha. Even when im going down, all of them looked at me at the same time. Don't know how to make it more obvious -.-

Came homeee, got to chat with my sayanggggg. Im not posting pictures today. Im abit tired and lazy. you can find our pictures at facebook! Okay okay, i want to show you guys something which might interest you. (okay maybe not).

Okay i don't know about you guys, but if this happened to you wouldn't you FREAK OUT?! I mean, what's up with all the people vandalising tables about both of us? Hahahaa, hilarous. And saying that dan stole me away from 'you'? I don't even belong to anyone in the first place. There's so much more than this, and they sound really interested about us? And so stalkish and obssesive. Gaaaaah, freaky much. I swear nothing like this happened to me with my previous ex's? I think it's your fault, Dan. I think your too hot. Cool down can? HAHAHAH. Okay i know, lame.

Alright, i think i should end my post here! Goodnight!

2010-05-13T17:16:00.009+08:00

I got up from my bed early today thanks to my phone who started farting. When i say farting, means virbrating. Haha. So i was wondering who could have messaged me early in the morning, but when i opened my message i saw that it was Abigail who texted me. She told me this very shocking annoying news. Then she was so angry so i told her to calm down. Omg, that person is such a spoiler. hmmmmm~ Calm down okay Abby! Haahaha ^^v.

Anyway, i got up with a broken heart today. You know the feeling when you wake up early in the morning just to feel like your heart was being punched? I couldn't even sleep well last night. I just couldn't stop thinking. I almost went to tears, but this time i just couldn't cry anymore. Maybe, too much crying? Tears dried up. I really don't know and im so tired trying to find out why, what, when,how, where. Im tired of looking for the answers that never seem to be told/answered. Questions are spinning around my head, i just want to let it all out. Why does my life always revolve around being hurt? Im sick of living my life this way. But, im done with all that. Im just going to put a smile on my face and pretend like im okayyy.

Hmmm, to make my blog more interesting and less SAD, im going to show you guys something. i was playing this game because i was in the oh-so-super-duper-bored-and-depressed mood. It's called room decorator. And yes, i always had my 'dream house' and my 'dream room'. I really hate sharing my room. It ruins so may things, espcially your own privacy. Hmmm. So i played this room decorater game just to entertain myself. I didn't know what else to do, heh. Anyway, don't you guys have your own dream room or house? Mine should look something like this:

Cute, isn't it? Haha. Okay actually my dream 'room' is way much more nicer and grand than this. If only i could create my room to be anything i like. Wouldn't life be so wonderful? Hahaha. okay im so hungry now. Speaking of which, ive been eating alot. Damn, staying at home really makes me gain weight. And speaking of gaining weight, i think i gained weight! Just look at my fat arms and tummy now, omgggg. I must go on a diet, soon. Promise! Mummy is buying me long john silver now, yumyum! (Y). I feel like going out tommorow, anyone?

i still want you, Dan. I miss you so much :( & it hurts to see us this way. I don't know what you want anymore, hmmm.

2010-05-13T00:20:00.004+08:00

I can't even use words to describe how im feeling right now. Confused, maybe? I really don't know what's going on, and i really wish you would come right to me, and nothing but the truth and explain everything out to me. But, it's not the right time isn't it? I know ive hurt you. But im sorry, i just feel like getting away from all these for awhile. Maybe confessing was a mistake. It's not that i don't like you. I do, really. It's just that, i don't want to feel tied down. I just want to get to know you more and make my feelings start to grow for you,naturally. But from the way it looks now, i don't think it will start growing anymore. Im slowy giving up. You see, everything just jumps back to my ex. Maybe everyone thinks im not over him, but it's not like that. Im slowly letting go. Im just not ready for a new commitment. I just want to break free, just for awhile. Ive got tired of love. I just need someone to understand. Espicially, you.

But the thing is, i don't understand you either. You just don't wish to explain things to me when im dying to know. For some reason, i just can't get you off my mind. Now, im just going to smile. I'll pretend things are okay. Im just going to wait for the 'right time' to come. Goodnight, just for now.

It's like everyone is just tearing me apart. I can't live like this anymore. Im tired. Hmmm.

2010-05-12T18:03:00.000+08:00

"How can you move on if you are still living in the past? And how can you step forward, leaving the past behind, if you can’t even begin to forgive what the past holds? How can you love someone for who they are, yet want to hate them for what they’ve done? I guess that’s what it boils down to is this — there are always those defining moments, times that makes us or breaks us, builds us or tears us apart, help us progress further or stop us dead in our tracks. And for whichever way we may choose, there’s a consequence of equal value. It’s a true test of what we stand for, where we came from, and where we are going. These are moments that we live for, breathe for, and fight for. These are the defining moments that leave imprints forever in our hearts, making our souls forever. These are choices that could bring you one step closer to forever or leaving you hostage to the past. I guess in order to move on from the past, you must learn to forgive it. And forgiving may mean letting go."